Archives for posts with tag: God

Trust God and Carry On

February 7, 2014 //

Image courtesy of Stuart Mile/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Again, here I sit typing at the keyboard. Spoiler alert: today I am going to be talking health issues in some detail, so you might want to skip to the last paragraph if you want to “cut to the chase” and read my spiritual slant on all this.

I called me doctor yesterday. It was a form of surrender. I gave up. I have been doing everything I can to control my blood sugar levels by diet alone. Up until now I have been very successful—-mostly, I think, due to God’s grace. I went off of my oral diabetic medication over three years ago and have not had to go back on it because God showed me a way to eat that is healthy for me. I am glad I called and asked for help because my fasting blood sugar when I woke up this morning was 67.

Thirty some odd years ago, long before I became a Type 2 diabetic, I was diagnosed as hypoglycemic. At that time my low blood sugars were mostly due to forgetting to eat at set times (in rebellion) or eating the wrong things. My self-will run riot in regards to controlling my own food agenda continued, and, consequently, I became a Type 2 diabetic about fifteen years later. When my blood sugar is low (hypoglycemia) I get a bad headache, I feel irritable, nothing seems to “go right,” and I have trouble thinking clearly. It is a bit like being a little bit drunk or, perhaps even more so, experiencing a hangover.

I should not be surprised that my body chemistry is changing as I age, but I am not enjoying it. I am no longer predictable. Yesterday I realized that I was once again trying to “control” my food and health even though I have asked for God’s help. That is when I surrendered, because I am thoroughly confused at this point. Fruit and protein are supposed to keep your blood sugar level as is eating five small meals during the day about 3-4 hours apart. Complex carbohydrates (whole grains) help some people, but they are bad news for me, so I avoid eating them or anything with flour or sugar in it. I know I need to add fruit and/or protein to my diet, but at this time I am unsure how to do it.

My doctor’s office just called me back right before I began writing this blog. My doctor’s advice was to add fruit juice, fruit, or protein. She suggested yogurt. I told the nurse I eat Greek yogurt and fruit at once or twice a day, so I would not be adding them to my diet unless I added additional amounts. Here’s what we finally decided for me to try first: a mid-morning small fruit or protein serving and adding additional fruit to my lunch. Since I asked God this morning for knowledge of his will for me and the power to carry that out, I will follow my doctor’s advice and see what happens.

Now that I’ve bored you with all that tedious detail, I’ll try to tell you what spiritual message I see in all this. First, I need to trust God—even if that means asking for and following advice from others. Second, I need to act accordingly. This is where faith comes in because in the past when I’ve added the recommended foods I stopped losing weight and even started gaining weight at times. The spiritual message I am getting from all this is sometimes you just have to trust God and carry on—-so, “Trust God and Carry On” will be my motto for today. Take care, and God bless and keep you.

Tags acceptance, God, trust

Categories Spirituality

Rise and Shine

February 5, 2014 //

Image courtesy of amenic181/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Well, here I sit again in self-imposed isolation listening to the noise of the snow plow break apart the stillness that envelops the neighborhood. The school across the street is quiet and empty. My dogs have no children to bark at as they pass by our yard. Yesterday’s frozen precipitation is, of course, still hanging around and challenging outdoor movement from place to place.

In some ways, the quiet stillness accompanied by the “tick-tock” of the clock on the wall is like being in the presence of an old and comfortable friend. This friend gives me permission to be lazy, to be productive, to be creative—-to be “me” in any way I choose. That brings a smile to my lips—-in typing that last sentence I realized I always have the opportunity to choose how I want to exist in any moment.

Today I choose to wrap myself in God’s love and to make choices that are healthy for me. I have no deadlines, no appointments, no obligations, and no list of things I have to do. I am left with the choice to do what I must to survive my reality—–and that is to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understand him. In the beginning of my recovery this turning things over 12 step stuff was just “a phrase often repeated.” Now after all these years and many miracles later this “turning over” comes from my heart, and I enjoy releasing my will and my life to God. Of course, I still have times when I stubbornly hang on to my futile self-centered attempts to control, but even then I find myself begrudgingly handing things over to him.

I have started practicing a new ritual in my life. It is one of my early morning rituals, and it is much more meaningful than making coffee or cooking bacon. I walk to my dining room, face the east, and look at a framed counted-cross stitch my mother did for me. I am looking at the words my mother so painstakingly spelled out: 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7. These special words describe God’s love for me and for everyone. Then I bow and release my “will and life” to God. In return, as I fold my arms in front of my chest, I literally feel God wrapping his arms around me and hugging me. Prayer and personal, private sacred words—-words that affirm and represent the love shared between God and myself—–are very important components of this early morning ritual. This ritual is both comforting and powerful. It puts my day “on track” and keeps my soul and heart open to God. It empowers me to follow God’s will rather than my own throughout the day.

As I sit typing in this quiet stillness, I am not alone. God is by my side; his presence is here. My four dogs are relaxed, warm, and sleeping, and I am happy.

Tags acceptance, God, hugs, Love, prayer, rituals, solitude

Categories love, recovery, Spirituality

Inspiration

February 2, 2014 //

Photograph courtesy of Joshua Burgard

Today’s blog is a tribute to author Anne Lamott. The message she posted on her Facebook status this morning really spoke to me. First of all, she described, perfectly, the process I have to go through when I write something of worth for others to read. What a relief it is to know I share this attribute with a popular, well-read author! What spoke to my soul the loudest, though, was her description of what happens when one is able to dig through all the “chatter” that clutters one’s mind and soul until one reaches one’s “true self” (Lamott, 2014 accessed 2/2/14 at: https://www.facebook.com/AnneLamott).

Here is part of what she had to say: “And inspiration is when the really real in us gets through the chatter……… But inside that chatter, that bad self esteem and grandiosity and judgment and self-righteousness is the prize–me. My true me. Who I always was, deep inside, behind my eyes, taking it all in. My perfect precious self, who no one managed to ruin–not the parents, the culture, the worst men, the alcohol; not nothing ” (Lamott, 2014 accessed 2/2/14 at: https://www.facebook.com/AnneLamott).

I hadn’t thought about this link between my writing and my centering prayer before reading her status this morning. Both activities are centered in the “true self” Lamott describes—-one that is undaunted by the “chatter” that occupies our minds or the messages given to us by our life’s experiences. The mind’s chatter is always a distraction and challenge for me whenever I engage in centering prayer and try to “go within” to my inner self and sit quietly so that I am able to experience God’s gift of love.

Feeling God’s deep and unconditional love in that inner, true-self space—– knowing it there, in my core, gives rise to a glowing, powerful love that is able to “bleed out” and infuse itself into other aspects of my life. The certainty of that love is real, palpable, and infinitely precious. It is also comforting to know that any time I need to “re-fuel” that feeling of being unconditionally loved, I can take that journey inward through all the mind chatter and tap into it once again. It is always there. It is always part of me. No matter what.

So, thank you, Anne Lamott. Your words have gifted me with strong support for my journey through recovery. May God bless and keep you and my readers.

Tags centering prayer, God

Categories Contemplative Prayer, love, recovery, Spirituality

Recycling Eccentricity

January 30, 2014 //

Image courtesy of graur razvan ionut/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Recycling Eccentricity

This morning I got totally immersed in reading Facebook. Before I knew it (or without knowing it?) I was enmeshed in reading copious “conversations” about the town I grew up in. The conversation that jumped out at me was about “Lena, the Garbage Lady.” She was a woman with a college education who, though once a teacher, had decided to live alone with her dogs and cats and to drive a horse drawn cart through the streets of Eureka Springs picking up people’s garbage. Rumor has it she lived in a cave in the summers and a cabin in the winters. Some thought her crazy. Some thought her a witch. Some thought her a silly old “hillbilly woman.” I remember her and her cart from the time when I was a young child about 60 years ago. GTO immortalized her in their 1969 “Permanent Damage” album in their song entitled: “The Eureka Springs Garbage Lady”(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jW7d5IfEz3M).

Why bring all this up? Well, Lena has become an important symbol to me of qualities I admire in a woman. She was strong, intelligent, and independent, and she dared to think/live by her own values rather than those of society. She was years before her time; she pre-dated the feminist movement by at least a couple of decades. She “dropped out of society and lived on the land” years before all of us old “hippies” aspired to doing so. She was doing recycling before the word was invented. I wish I could turn the clock of time back and have a conversation with her. I would love to know her thoughts and to be introduced to the truths her life had taught her. Maybe I would find out the folks who called her crazy had been right. Maybe I’d find out the people who said she abandoned “society” due to a love affair having gone bad were right. Perhaps, I would find those who said she “lost her mind” because she was unable to rescue all the children from a burning school building were right. As far as I know, she never presented a danger to herself or others, and, therefore, I do not think she could legally be considered insane (crazy). However, in small rural towns being different can be enough to get you labeled crazy. I think she was an intelligent woman who was brave enough to choose to be different, regardless of what motivated her to become a recluse garbage collector.

I hope I can allow this woman’s legacy to help me have the courage to be different and live according to what I consider to be important rather than what society considers important. I always assumed Ms. Lena had a very active spiritual life filled with prayer and meditation. Maybe I have her mixed up with the Dalai Lama, but that does not really matter. What matters is how I live my life. You see, I want to be independent and to march to my own drummer, but I want to do it within the context of relationships with people and my God. I want to be immersed in spirituality, but I want to do it amidst my fellow humans rather than while being a recluse. Don’t get me wrong, I highly respect those who devote their lives to being in constant contact with a spiritual being on a spiritual plane rather than in the context of our world’s shared reality. I need others to teach me, to show me, to inspire me, to let me feel the God within them, and to let me hear the God within them. Otherwise, I would not be challenged to grow. I would become complacent. I would go to sleep.

So, the message from today’s blog is to immerse yourself in the world that surrounds you and relate to the people you encounter. Take time to think about what your observations have to teach you. Take these observations and interpretations inward where one can discover the spiritual truths imbedded in daily existence. May God bless and keep you.

Tags feminism, God, pioneer, recycling

Categories Consideration, Spirituality

Lesson in Common Sense

January 29, 2014 //

Well, yesterday turned out to be quite an exciting day. At around 3:30 PM my youngest dog, Gus, started trying to throw up. This is not unusual for a dog. Only nothing came up, and he kept trying to empty his stomach for about 45 minutes. I had a church meeting to go to, but I could not just leave him. So, I called my vet and took him in to be checked. Of course, I was late to my meeting, but everyone understood. Gus was given two shots, and I was given pills to take home and give him over the next two days. That little excursion cost $82.00. I have to keep telling myself he’s worth it—–and my peace of mind is worth it also.

He had not been fed anything unusual, and I did not find any disintegrated pen or pencil parts lying around. He was still eating and drinking, and he never acted like he was in any pain. I didn’t figure out what I think happened until hours later. I had shaken some garlic and other spices into some salad dressing I was making for lunch, and I remembered sweeping the excess spices that didn’t land in the salad bowl off onto the floor. I think Gus may have licked the spices up off the floor and that is what made him sick.

So, what can I learn from this in terms of spirituality? Well, let me see. First of all, a little spice in one’s life can become problematic if one has a bad reaction to the substance. That is what happened to me back in the day when I was practicing my drinking problem. There were plenty of times I drank until I threw up. Fortunately, God gave me the gift of recovery before I poisoned myself to the point of death. In a way, Gus’ trip to the vet was like myself being introduced to a 12 step meeting. I never saw anyone put $82.00 in the donation basket that was passed around, but the result of that introduction was priceless. I was given a “prescription” for healthy living, and with God’s help I have been able to follow it. Gus is sleeping in my lap as I type. Like me, with a little loving help from a Higher Power, he has been able to follow prescribed directions and is getting better.

I was the one that made the spices accessible to Gus, and, in a way, God made alcohol and food accessible to me. However, I did not force my dog to lick the spices up off the floor, and God did not forced me to drink alcohol. I am sure there is one big difference here—-Gus didn’t know what he was licking up could be harmful, and I always knew alcohol had the potential to be harmful. Following the prescription I was given to attain sobriety and stay in recovery is a matter of accepting my Higher Power’s help and following the directions offered by AA’s twelve steps. This is a choice I have to make on a daily basis —- I have to turn my life and my will over to God on a daily basis if I want to survive. To my delight, I have found this turning over process to provide me with much more than mere survival. Following my “recovery prescription” has been given the gift of an evolving spirituality, and for this I will be eternally grateful. Today, I will, by the grace of God, turn things over to him as I go through my day. I will also keep spices that have the potential to be toxic to pets off my kitchen floor—-another lesson in common sense learned the hard way. God bless and keep you.

Tags God, working AA's 12 steps

Categories recovery, Spirituality

Blessings

January 26, 2014 //

Image courtesy of Naypong,/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Everywhere I have gone today I have encountered the word “blessed.” Different meanings of the word blessed were talked about in our Sunday school class; those meanings included “happy,” “wonderful news” or “fortunate.” Then, once I had gotten home and eaten lunch, I read the material that had been electronically sent to those of us who participate in a Sunday afternoon 11th step focused study of Matthew’s “Beatitudes.” Of course, it was information about the various meanings of the word blessed.

In the Sunday school discussion, the beatitudes were presented as a proclamation Jesus made of how he was starting to create God’s kingdom on earth by turning things “upside down,” and the author of the book we were studying (Wright, N. T.,2002, Matthew for Everyone, Part 1, Louisville, KY: John Knox Press) emphasized that these “blessings” were not something we are rewarded with in heaven after we die for having lived the “right kind of life.” Instead, Wright points out that these blessings are present-tense blessings and suggests we should try living according to these principles in the present moment. He doesn’t specify how to do so, but I sure he means to live in a manner that helps create God’s kingdom in the present moment. I cannot imagine he means to purposefully become poor, hungry, persecuted, or look forward to mourning the death of someone you love.

According to Bob Towner (2014), the convener of the 11th Step Beatitudes Study Group, the blessings Jesus was addressing in what is traditionally thought of as the “Sermon on the Mount” were actually an invitation to search one’s inner self in order to find peace and happiness—–even in unhappy situations like those specified in the beatitudes. Towner’s spin on the meaning of the beatitudes suggests Jesus is actually “offering me [us] the choice of finding worthiness and benefit in attitudes and conditions which the world finds useless or shameful.” This means I need to apply what I encounter in my inner searching into changing my attitudes and behaviors accordingly.

So, I am faced with considering two different perceptions of the message Jesus was trying to give those who were listening—-as well as to those of us who are reading the account of what he said. They both seem to agree that they are more “here and now” than future focused. They both seem to agree that the “blessings” are in direct relationship with actions one must take to feel blessed in the present moment. I have experienced peace and happiness within my inner being when surrounded by the very things mentioned in the beatitudes, and practicing the 12 steps has taught me that much of my inner peace depends on changing my attitudes and actions.

I think I just figured out my take on all this. Blessings are something God gives to me if I am willing to seek them in a spiritual manner. They are not concrete, measurable rewards to be stacked up in heaven or here on earth. I don’t have to do things to make myself miserable in order to receive them. However, I would be the first to admit there have been times in the past when I was only able to find such blessings because I was miserable enough to surrender my will and to actively seek God’s will. Fortunately, I am learning to work on my “God seeking” skills, and I am much more able to realize and accept blessings now than I have been in the past; I am also fortunate that it doesn’t always take “hitting bottom” to motivate me to seek God and his blessings these days. Although I still work on changing my attitudes and behavior for the better, I still have lots of room for improvement.

So, when I close my blogs with “God bless and keep you,” I am not suggesting you just sit around and wait for God to drop blessings on your head. I am inviting you to actively seek those blessings and hoping you will find and express them in your attitudes and behavior. Although I would like my closing to be some sort of magical spell that guarantees my readers will be blessed and safely held in God’s arms, it is actually expressing my hope that you will actively seek, find, and share God’s love and the peace that “passes all understanding.” God bless and keep you.

Tags beatitudes, blessings, God, working AA's 12 steps

Categories Contemplative Prayer, peace, recovery, Spirituality

“Oh, you again.”

January 25, 2014 //

Image courtesy of suphakit73/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

In an 11th step centering prayer meeting discussion this morning we talked about how we all have recurring compulsions and that we should not be self-critical when related obsessive thoughts become the focus of our attention. It was suggested that we should acknowledge such thoughts and look beyond them and continue seeking the God of our choosing. Thus, one can develop the habit of thought redirection so that the after first acknowledging such thoughts one can think something like, “Oh, you again” and immediately follow that thought with “I am going to look over/around you as I seek to be in the presence of my Higher Power.” The “you again” is simple enough for me, but I’ve got to work on the re-direction part.

In recognizing the all too familiar obsessive thoughts (cravings) I tend to sometimes start thinking about the “you” addressed in “oh, you again” rather than immediately turning the focus of my thoughts to the God that protects me from giving into those cravings. It can be as simple as just taking a deep breath and thinking “I’m in God’s hands, you no longer have power over me” or “I’m not wasting my time on you anymore, I am, instead, turning my will and my life over to the care of my God as I understand him.” I have heard these phrases repeated over and over again by people in recovery, and I have even said them myself. But this is the first time I have associated them with mindful breathing and centering prayer—–a practice that is teaching me to quiet my mind and extraneous thoughts while I consent to spending some alone time with God, accepting his love, and listening instead of asking.

I have experienced a lot of “positive side effects” of centering prayer since I have been learning this new technique. One is that the skills my mind learns to use while in centering prayer can “bleed out” into “ordinary reality.” For example, I can have an obsessive thought about food any time I open my refrigerator—–or even think about what is in my refrigerator. I am learning to just smile and think, “oh, you again” when such thoughts occur. Then I immediately remember I started the day off by turning my will and my life over to God, so those thoughts are rendered “powerless” over triggering compulsive eating. I’ve been doing something similar to this for years whenever I happen to walk through a grocery store’s liquor section.

Applying this thought redirection approach is starting to help me put my eating compulsion into perspective. I have been trying the “25 chews/bite with one breath between bites” method (Altman, Donald, 2004. Meal by Meal: 365 Daily Meditations for Finding Balance Through Mindful Eating, Kindle Locations 3644-3648, New World Library, Kindle Edition )when I consciously remember to do so. It has amazed me that it no longer feels “silly” as my previous attempts to learn to eat slowly have. Now I am aware of taste, texture, and the need to chew things thoroughly before swallowing. The breath between bites has been amazing—–it reminds to thank God during those “breathing” times for the gift of living—–of being able to breathe and to eat healthy food as it should be eaten. It has changed eating from being a frantic race to fill an ever-empty hole to a celebration of the sacred. What once seemed tedious and unnecessary has become a very viable, easy way to accomplish a means of reaffirming my spiritual path. It is amazing to me how much better thought redirection can work for me if the re-direction I apply is directly associated with something spiritually important to me .

God bless and keep you.

Tags centering prayer, compulsive eating, God, thought redirection

Categories Contemplative Prayer, recovery, Spirituality

The Invisible Path

January 21, 2014 //

Image courtesy of chrisroll/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I was in a book study session last night where the beliefs of scientists vs. religious folk were being compared. Naturally, a lot of stereotyping was involved. Scientists were being labeled as atheists or agnostics and religious folk as Christian. The book we were studying talked about how Christians have assumed they have known the whole and absolute truth since it was revealed to them, while scientists have remained open minded and capable of holding and testing hypotheses (educated guesses) until they are supported or not supported as “truth.” Somehow in our group discussion, scientists became the “good guys” while it was implied close minded Christians were the “bad guys.”

Personally, I am not one to stand up for either group even though I am a card carrying group of both groups—-only I would like to clarify that my personal “brand” of Christianity is less close minded than most. My addictions research has been scientific; my personal spiritual journey has been built on a Christian foundation. My criticism of scientists is that they can put blinders on as well as anyone else and their “hypotheses” only allow them to look in one specific direction; some have been known to fake research outcomes to “fit” their hypotheses. On the other hand, my criticism of Christianity is similar. One’s particular set of “religious sunglasses” is shaped by the way one has been taught to believe—–which also has the potential to close minds and hearts off to anyone who disagrees with one’s beliefs.

Therefore, the main difference between the two camps, as I see it, is that we all tend to be biased in one way or another. In science our bias stems from what we call our “hypotheses” while in Christianity it stems from what we call our “faith.” Granted, scientists try to be objective about what they are viewing, but when something is not considered real unless it can be measured most of the magic of God’s creation is left out of the picture. The way I have dealt with this is to step quietly off both well-beaten paths onto an almost invisible path. This invisible path has led me into the uncharted territory of spirituality. This is the land where my heart, mind, and soul meet Creator, God, Higher Power—-that essence that has not only created me but is in all of creation, including you and me. Here is where I am safe, where I am loved, and where I can take off my sunglasses and let my spirit soar into the only reality that matters.

Don’t get the idea that my spirit soars off to live happily ever after and never comes back to deal with the reality at hand. To the contrary, I am nurtured and strengthened by my spiritual journey so that I can redirect my attention to the reality at hand . What I discover when I explore my “spiritual path” makes me more capable of sharing the love and wisdom I have encountered on my journey with those who share our common reality of the moment. Thus, hopefully, I am in my own small way helping spread the experience, strength, and joy I have encountered by taking the “spiritual detour” that has saved my life and sanity.

Tags Creator, God, reality, religion, science

Categories Spirituality

Unclogging the Bridge

January 19, 2014 //

Image courtesy of tratong/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

In the sermon I heard in church this morning a question I had asked several months ago came up as a topic of discussion. The church I belong to suggests we pray a series of prayers and read accompanying scripture 3-4 times daily. Included in each prayer session is a prayer of confession apologizing and asking God for forgiveness for our sins and promising our repentance. Today in our adult bible study class we learned that repentance is more than an attitude—-it also means actively turning away from what one is repenting. The question I had previously asked was why do we need to confess four times a day? My reason for asking the question was that I am uncomfortable asking for forgiveness when I promised “not to sin again” just a few hours earlier. I am reminded of the story of the little boy that cried wolf too many times, when he finally did spy a wolf and run to tell the people in his village they wouldn’t take his warning seriously. By repeatedly confessing, asking for forgiveness, and promising to repent several times a day, do I not run the risk of God not taking me seriously—-or worse yet, not taking myself seriously?

The answer I was given to this question, both at the time the priest and I had our conversation and again in this morning’s sermon, was basically that since we are imperfect humans we tend to sin whether we realize it or not; hence the need to repeatedly confess and repent. I still have a bit of trouble with this philosophy. If repentance is based on a sincere apology and a promise not to do something again, wouldn’t we need to consciously know what sin we were apologizing for in order to avoid repeating it?

When I turn my will and my life over to the care of my Higher Power as I understand him, I need to begin looking at my past and present actions to identify things I have done or am doing that hurt myself or others. According to AA’s 12 steps, one then needs to “make amends” and change one’s behavior accordingly. If I am sincere about changing something in my life, I ask for knowledge of God’s will and the power to carry it out on a one day at a time basis. And, yes, I often repeat that prayer several times a day. AA’s 12 steps suggest we take a careful look at what we have done each day and make amends in a timely fashion. Nowhere in AA’s “Big Book” have I read a suggestion that we ask God to forgive our mistakes, promise not to do them, and then repeat the exact same prayer three more times in the same day.

Now that I’ve gotten that “rant” off my chest, I need to look at what is really important for me to realize in the midst of all this spiritual “free association.” Obviously, I and my self-pride are the problem. I doubt God is bothered by repeated requests for forgiveness and promises to repent. It is my pride/ego that resists “humbling” myself that often. I need to get over myself and ask my Higher Power to forgive me for thinking I am above asking for forgiveness several times a day. In reading what I have written so far, it is also obvious that many of my sins fall in the realm of attitude and false pride. My character defect of procrastination also lands a lot of my “sins” in the “things left undone” category. I need to “open the bridge” between God’s love and forgiveness and myself by being willing to ask for and receive it more often than I do—–especially since I tend to deny my sins and not recognize them until I force myself to take a serious “mental inventory.” Perhaps following a discipline of structured prayer sessions throughout the day may offer me a way to cultivate this habit. May God bless and keep you.

Tags character defect, forgiveness, God, self-will

Categories love, recovery, Spirituality

Love Overcomes Hurt

January 18, 2014 //

Image courtesy of Somchai Som/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Today, during a guided imagery session, my Higher Power made me aware of a couple of insights. One is my Higher Power’s love is always there, has always been there, and will always be there—-even if I have been hurtful to myself or others in the past. But the newest insight for me, the one that really got my attention, was I am able to feel and express that same type of love for those I love in spite of any hurts, real or imagined, that I believe I have suffered at their hand. Thus, the important lesson I came away from today’s session with is this: Our love for someone is strong enough to withstand the hurt we attribute to that person, just as God’s love is strong enough to withstand the things I have done that I am sure have hurt him.

I’m not talking trivial, little transgressions here. The person I love and chose to bring into today’s imagery session had, when I was a child, tied our family dog to the back of our school bus and had the bus driver drive away so the dog would be dragged behind the bus; the rationale for doing this was to teach the dog not to chase the school bus so he would avoid getting run over in the future. That same person slapped me at the dinner table in front of company and at another time picked me up by one arm while swatting my “behind” with his other hand—- I literally became a human pendulum swinging back and forth between blows. Remembering those instances of hurt I experienced as a child brought unbidden tears to my eyes—even after all this time. And then I knew that some of the things I have done in the past like driving while intoxicated, practicing addictive behaviors, and engaging in what at the time was called “free love” must have hurt my Higher Power just as deeply as those childhood memories that are embedded in my soul. Then I felt the blessed relief of knowing my Higher Power loves me anyway—-just as I love the person who psychologically and physically hurt me as a child. Those embedded hurts no longer have the power to block the love I have for the person who hurt me. Love is stronger than the hurt.

My writing today is relatively short. Conversely, however, the message “love is stronger than the hurt” is a momentous one for me. Now when I think of perceived hurtful events in my life I can stop investing energy in resenting those instances. I can, instead, focus on the love God shares with me and all of us that overlooks and overcomes the hurt. Resentment will never again have the power over me that it has had in the past. To be honest, I don’t yet trust that the resentments I have “nurtured” during my life time to entirely go away, but I know that now I can overcome the hurt and resentment by focusing on the love I have been given as a gift by my Higher Power. And for this I am grateful.

Tags addiction, addictive behavior, centering prayer, God, Higher Power, hurt, Love, resentment

Categories Contemplative Prayer, recovery, Spirituality