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Everyone has heard the question, “Is the glass half-full or half-empty?” Common wisdom claims those who answer “half-full” are optimists and those who answer “half-empty” are pessimists. Perhaps the truth is that the glass is actually both half-full and half-empty.  The idea for today’s blog came to me as I sat waiting for church to start this morning. In our adult formation class before church we had just studied several chapters in Chittister’s (1992), The Rule of Benedict: A Spirituality for the 21st Century.  One paragraph kept running through my mind (p. 113) in which Chittister wrote about rabbis teaching  that we should all “have two pockets….In one should be the message, “I am dust and ashes,” and in the other we should have written, “For me the universe was made.'”

Again, here is something that says to me, “Stop. Think. You are not one or the other. You are both.” In recovery terms it means that we are constantly trying to recognize when our ego-self gets in the way of our letting God’s Will run our lives so that we can stay in recovery and grow spiritually. We are constantly challenged to let go of our self-centered thinking and acting. On the other hand, we are also challenged to learn to forgive ourselves and to love ourselves.  We need those “two pockets” the rabbis taught about so we can remember we are  “dust and ashes” as well as recipients of the universe.

Rohr (2009, The Naked Now: Learning to See as the Mystics See, p.34) wrote that the” Dalai Lama says …,’A change of heart is always a change of mind.’ You could say the reverse as well—a change of mind is also a change of heart. Eventually they both must change for us to see properly.” In recovery we need to change our mind and our hearts to see that we are both “full and empty”— emptying  our self-will  and filling with God’s grace and love.  It is not until we “get over ourselves” that we can  comprehend God’s grace and love and  accept it. For me, this is the best way to be both “half-empty” and “half-full.”

Please comment  and share your thoughts about being  both full and empty at the same time. May God bless and keep you.

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Carol Orlock has been quoted as having said, “When our knowledge coalesces with our humanity and our humor, it can add up to wisdom” ( Warner, C. ,1992, Treasury of Women’s Quotations, Englewood Cliffs, NJ, Prentice-Hall,p.171). When I first sat around recovery tables, I was somewhat  uncomfortable with all the laughing and joking that always went on at meetings. It seemed to me that these people were laughing at things they’d done in the past that really were not funny at all.  Alcoholics Anonymous’ “Big Book” (Anonymous, 2001, Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th ed., p. 132) speaks to this when it says, “So we think cheerfulness and laughter make for usefulness. Outsiders are sometimes shocked when we burst into merriment over a seemingly tragic experience out of the past. But why shouldn’t we laugh? We have recovered, and have been given the power to help others.”

It took me a while to understand it, but I think humor and laughter play an important role in helping those of us in recovery heal. We need to laugh at ourselves to get over ourselves.  This type of “therapeutic humor” helps us accept we are human rather than God—that God is in control rather than us. If humility is, as I have been taught, the acceptance of our powerlessness and the desire to pursue and do God’s will rather than our own, then it makes sense to me that the use of humor at meetings helps people seeking recovery to look at their past in the right perspective—-to admit our human rather than omnipotent status —and to empower the  spiritual growth  necessary for recovery to take place. If we can laugh at the human mistakes we have made, we can begin to accept and forgive ourselves.

However, I do have a word of caution to those of us in recovery. Sometimes people in early recovery are very fragile; their self-esteem is very low, and, therefore,  they are easily injured by  the misuse of humor. It is easy for them to “take it personally” when those around them are laughing . They may feel like they are being picked on, belittled, and further shamed for their past actions. Their perception may be flawed, but it might not be far from the truth. I am just saying we need to be careful how we use humor—-are we laughing at ourselves and our mistakes—or someone else’s?

Chittister (1992, The Rule of Benedict: A Spirituality for the 21st Century, p. 94) has written: “Humor and laughter are not necessarily the same thing. Humor permits us to see into life from a fresh and gracious perspective. We learn to take ourselves more lightly in the presence of good humor. Humor gives us the strength to bear what cannot be changed and the sight to see the human under the pompous.” It follows, then, that “bad humor” (that at the expense of others)  does not. Chittister (p. 95)  goes on to say that “Derision is not funny, sneers and sarcasm and snide remarks, no matter how witty, how pointed, how clever, how cutting, are not funny. ”

Wow! That hit home.  I’ve spent over sixty years perfecting the art of sarcasm , and now I am being told it is not funny regardless of how clever or witty it is. Ouch! That last sentence tells me she’s is right. If I am more concerned about myself being clever or witty than on how what I am saying might impact a fellow human being, then I am definitely not displaying humility. When I am in an “it’s all about me” mode, then I am not focused on others or willing to seek and follow God’s will—–I am back at “first base” with myself and my will being the focus of my thinking and my actions.

Here are the highlights I have learned from all this:

• humor and laughter based on my past mistakes can help me get over myself and into recovery
• humor can give me the  ” strength to bear what cannot be changed”
• laughter at the expense of others  may be hurtful
• humor used to bolster my own ego is a “warning flag” that I am not on a spiritual/recovery path
• combining humor, knowledge, and humility (acceptance of my own humanity) can create wisdom

I would love to be a wise and spiritual person, but I often use humor to build up my own ego. I need to work on that. I am a long ways from “being wise.” Please comment and share your thoughts about the use of humor….in recovery or elsewhere. May God bless and keep you.

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In John 6: 12 (NIV), Jesus is quoted as having said, “Gather the pieces that are left over. Let nothing be wasted.” When I first read this verse this morning, I immediately thought of it out of context. Rather than thinking of Christ miraculously feeding a huge crowd with what started out as a few loaves of bread and a few fish my thoughts “warped speed” to our current culture, and I thought of this verse perhaps being God’s way of telling us the importance of recycling. With further thought, I came to see an even deeper meaning in it. Perhaps this is because a friend of mine posted a quote on Facebook yesterday about how when one breaks a plate, saying “I’m sorry” to the plate is meaningless. Some things once done cannot be undone.

But what if Christ’s advice to gather the pieces so they wouldn’t be wasted applies to us, ourselves? By the time most people get to recovery, their addiction has often broken their lives, their self esteem, and their belief that life has a meaning into “a million shattered pieces.” Looking at yesterday’s Facebook posting and Christ’s comment after feeding the multitude of people who had gathered to hear him speak, I believe Christ’s direction to his apostles has profound meaning—-not only for those of us in recovery, but also for anyone who has ever experienced a major crisis, a “broken heart,” or major life-change.

To enter recovery from addiction or other life crisis, we must first admit we are broken—-that what we had, what we were used to, what we desired, etc. is broken. It no longer works. It is harming us. It may be harming others. We need to move from “my plate is broken” to what can we do now that its shattered? In recovery circles, this corresponds to the first step in which people admit their powerlessness over their addiction and the fact their life has become unmanageable. Next, we need to come to believe that with the help of a higher power we can build a new plate that is not only functional but will also be beneficial to others.  After that comes a lifetime of working with God as “co-creators” of a spiritual “work of art”—-creating a “new plate”—-a new life re-made into something different and much better than what we’d broken. Once being in a spiritual connection and relationship with God becomes a daily, moment-to-moment priority we are empowered to live life fully one day at a time and to share God’s grace and love with others, not only in our words, but also in with our actions.

So, what do I need to remember from this “thought application” of not letting pieces go to waste?

• Sometimes  I have to recognize and give up on what is not working and purposively break it so with God’s help I can start rebuilding it into something better
• I have to discard what is broken and be willing to let God help me create something new and better
• I need to keep in close touch with God as we work in partnership to maintain this new “butterfly creation
• I need to be “spirit-driven” rather than self-driven so that my actions are a direct result of God’s will instead of my own

Please comment and share your experiences with the miracle of surrender and creation—-a gift that allows us “Let nothing be wasted.” May God bless and keep you.

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For  some reason, I am being directed to talk about prayer this morning. Perhaps it is because I asked God yesterday to help me understand why my evergreen Cypress was dying. After consulting additional sources yesterday I found out that a man who is in landscaping told a friend of mine that the severe stress of a hard freeze followed by a severe drought was more prolonged stress than many trees could handle.  He added that as a result we would see a lot of trees die this summer—-that the Cypresses would be the first to go. God answered my prayer with additional knowledge which was a very strong reminder that stress prolonged over time can “bring down” even the strongest of us—-especially if we put up “barriers of ice” to keep out His spirit or go for long periods without being in daily contact with Him (drought).

Therefore, daily contact with God is essential for life. Prayer and meditation have traditionally been our way of accomplishing this.  I have been learning this past year that there are many more ways of meditating and praying than I first realized. I am a novice in this area, but I will share with you some of what I have learned in my “prayer lessons.”

Here is how Richard Rohr (2009, The Naked Now: Learning to See as the Mystics Do, p.23) defines prayer: “I use ‘prayer’ as the umbrella word for any interior journeys or practices that allow you to experience faith, hope, and love within yourself. It is not a technique for getting things, a pious exercise that somehow makes God happy, or a requirement for entry into heaven. It is much more like practicing heaven now.”  For me, this is a new way of looking at prayer.

Using this definition of prayer to examine my “Cypress Tree Prayer” of yesterday, it was not a prayer because it asked God for a specific thing (understanding). However, my prayer was a prayer in that it was an internal means of connecting with God’s love which gave me  hope and faith that I would eventually understand why the tree was dying.  The outcome of my “prayer” was God gave me access to knowledge that helped me view my tree’s death as a result of the “natural order of things” and helped me understand what was causing the tree’s death and to accept its death.

Immediately, my mind started analyzing Rohr’s definition.  What about all those prayers we say out loud together in meetings and in church? The answer that came was this: if I am not “present” in those prayers internally with my heart and soul. When that happens I am not praying; I am just automatically mouthing words.

Next, I started wondering about the countless ways I take “interior journeys” with my thoughts, and I realized, in the context of Rohr’s definition, I am praying often—-and most of the time am unaware of it. My prayers of this sort are not begun with a salutation.  God knows my mind is “talking” with Him. For example, if I look out at the night-time sky and view a gorgeous full moon and twinkling stars too numerous to count and automatically think how lucky I am to be part of God’s universe and how grateful I am to be part of His creation—-that is a prayer. But if I am driving along and someone pulls unexpectedly in front of me and I frantically apply brakes while thinking, “You *&%/?!*,  where did you learn to drive?—-well, then, that is not a prayer.

I have always believed God as I view Him or Her knows what I am thinking all the time anyway—- God knows my interior, the internal me, even better than I do. So what makes my thoughts prayers is when they create or support, faith, hope, and love within my heart. I am going to have to think about this for a while (God will be listening), but I think I am going to like this way of looking at prayer.

What are your thoughts about prayer? Please comment. God bless and keep you.

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People in 12 step recovery groups are always talking about “taking inventory.” You’d think they were all obsessive-compulsive store owners. Taking inventory usually means counting what stock you have on hand in a business so you can determine what you have in your store.  Used in that sense, then, taking inventory would mean consciously noting all goods in your store–not necessarily assigning them to a “good” or “bad”  category. However, this type of inventory gives the store owner information he can study to determine what is selling and what isn’t—-what’s working and what’s not working.

Twelve-steppers have traditionally focused their practice of “taking inventory” on thoroughly examining their own lives ——how they’ve lived them and how they are living them. This is done in order to recognize what has been and is problematic for the addicted person so that steps can be taken to begin to change problematic behaviors into positive “solution-focused” behaviors with the help of a Higher Power and the fellowship of other recovering people. Sometimes, unfortunately, there is very little attention given to positive personal assets (the things that have been beneficial for the person and others) during such an inventory taking process.

One thing you often hear around recovery tables is the term “don’t take my inventory.”  This means that each person is to focus on his or her own inventory and change themselves rather than on judging another person and trying to change that person’s recovery. Used this way,  it  simply means “mind your own business.”

Similarly, a variety of religions have also emphasized the importance of not judging others. Sadly, though, we often automatically encounter something or someone and automatically judge a person, place, thing or idea as “right” or “wrong” based on our own preferences. This kind of automatic “judging” often keep us from really seeing the truth present in the situation.  Rohr (2009, The Naked Now: Learning to See as the Mystics See)  cautions his readers to try to avoid having these “knee-jerk” reactions and to instead look at something with a degree of acceptance so that you can begin to see what is “true” rather than what is expected according to your own per-conceived opinions.  He suggests that we often do not love something or someone because we are actually loving our “idea of it.” (p. 50) Used in this sense, taking inventory can be something we automatically do with anyone or anything we encounter that prevents us from truly experiencing reality.

Rohr goes on to explain that we need to be practical and say no to some things in order to survive—-but that if we  learn to first encounter something with an open, accepting “yes-flavored” mind we can see more of its truth.  He emphasizes that after we are able to do this,  we will still  be able to say “no” when  we need to protect ourselves. If we can learn to experience reality with this type of open non-judgmental mind, we will avoid  the automatic type of “yes-no thinking ”  that can distort our view of reality.

Therefore, from Rohr’s perspective, “don’t take my inventory” means to not judge,  to be aware, to notice, to  listen,  and to experience so you can be fully present in the moment rather than trapped in what may be a biased opinion.

What do you think about this inventory business? What part does it play in your life and/or in your recovery? Please comment. May God bless and keep you.

<a href=”http://www.public-domain-image.com/vintage-photography-public-domain-images-pictures/eskimos-woman-and-girl-ice-fishing.jpg.html&#8221; title=”Eskimos woman and girl ice fishing”>Eskimos woman and girl ice fishing</a> by Hadwen Seymour, U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service

Somewhere in the distant past when I first entered the adventure called recovery someone told me what is often referred to as “the Eskimo story.” I do not know how the story originated, so I cannot site its source.  Anyway, it goes something like this:

” There was a man who was ice fishing when the patch of ice he was on broke off and he started to drift out to sea. The man could not swim, and he frantically prayed to God to rescue him.  An Eskimo came  by in a boat and offered to take the man to shore. The man refused the Eskimo’s offer saying, “No thanks, God will take care of me.” This happened two more times, and the man turned down the offers of help from the two additional Eskimos with the same answer that God was taking care of him. The person drowned. When the person got to heaven, he angrily asked God why He hadn’t answered his prayer and saved him. God patiently explained, ‘My son, I tried to save you three times and each time you refused my help.'”

We all have “Eskimos” that God sends into our lives —-only we are usually not aware of it.  Thomas Keating  (1981, Heart of the World, p. 41) has written:  “[God] will bring people and events into our lives, and whatever we may think about them, they are designed for the evolution of his life in us.”  To me, that means the Eskimos God sends to me will not always be rescuers—-they may play a central part in a negative situation I am experiencing which is meant to teach me an important spiritual lesson.

I have been writing on my church’s Facebook page this morning about angels being God’s messengers, so I think that is what got me on this “Eskimo tangent.”  However,  my experiences with AT&T on the phone later  this morning getting help to fix what they called a “system glitch” in my DSL Internet service is what pushed me over the “Eskimo edge.”

I was not a happy camper, as I had spent hours trying to communicate with different representatives of the same company last week when they installed a new and different DSL account. I was not looking forward to another long, unpleasant, and mostly unfruitful telephone experience. This time my “communication session” only lasted about an hour and a half. This time, it was a little easier to stomach the tinny Musak and to ask repeatedly for the person on the other end of the phone to slowly repeat something. And, this time, the fifth or sixth person I talked to was able to help me reconfigure my Internet/modem so my DSL worked once again.

When I said thank you and hung up, I had to stop and reflect what it was God wanted me to learn from this experience. I decided AT&T is an Eskimo in my life  helping me learn patience and the importance of being kind and polite even when I am frustrated. I have learned that more can get done that way. When I interrupt and yell at someone to stop reading to me and to start listening to me and what I am actually asking, it eventually gets their attention—– but it only serves to make the situation more frustrating.  Had I asked the same thing last week with an even and polite tone I have a feeling things might have gone a tad smoother than they did.

Please comment about what Eskimos you have experienced or are experiencing in your life right now and what spiritual lessons you are learning from them. By the way, you don’t have to be in recovery to have Eskimos—-we don’t have a franchise on them. 🙂 God bless and keep you.

So often people sit around  tables in 12 step meetings and focus what they are talking about on problems in their lives rather than blessings. Those are the meetings that are best re-directed to “attitude of gratitude” meetings.  Simply put, if we focus our thinking on problems or on wanting something we don’t have we waste a precious opportunity to enjoy our current moment.

Different things help different people let go of stress. Sometimes, it can be as simple as taking a deep breath and telling yourself to relax. Sometimes it can be focusing on a happy memory or picturing a restful place of beauty in your mind.  Sometimes it is just getting busy and doing the next best or right thing…..like doing the dishes in my kitchen sink rather than worrying about all the lectures I need to “tweak” before the semester starts.  Sometimes it is getting out and walking—–getting some exercise and enjoying the gift of creation God has given us.

The whole point is to realize the many different ways we are blessed rather than focusing on “things” we don’t have—–things that would often not make us one bit happier if we were able to attain them. Most of the things in my life I consider blessings are things I could never buy anyway. Things like my dog’s love, a sunset, a fragrant fall breeze, a rainbow,  or a butterfly……the friends I have met through my church and in the fellowship of recovery, my family, close friends I’ve made throughout my life, memories of people gone, and people still here.

I am asking you to take this moment and visualize in your mind all of the people and things in your life that bring you pleasure and happiness. The things you are blessed with—–the very things that will help dispel stress in your life if you let them. May God bless and keep you. I am going to close with a photo from Facebook today that said to “share”—–it is of a favorite spiritual place of mine:

https://www.facebook.com/StateParksofArkansas accessed July 27, 2013

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Something very profound happened for me last night while at a book study.  All of my “recovery life” of 32+ years has been tainted with distrust of Alcoholics Anonymous’ (Anonymous, 2001, p. 59) sixth step which reads, “Where entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.”  The distrust has been based on an unwillingness to give up personal traits  I have always assumed were the core of my identity and defined “me. ” Plus, I have always been afraid of the unknown in regards to what would take their place if I got rid of my character defects. My thoughts usually ran something like,, ” if I give all of myself up, then who will I be?”.  No one has ever been able to satisfactorily answer that question for me until I found my answer in last night’s book study.

The answer I found lies in a quote from  Drop the Rock: Removing Character Defects-Steps Six and Seven (P., Bill; W., Todd; S., Sara (2009-06-03). Drop the Rock: Removing Character Defects – Steps Six and Seven . Hazelden Publishing. Kindle Edition, p.xvii):

“In recovery, we try to take the opposite of our character defects and shortcomings and turn them into principles. For example, we work to change fear into faith, hate into love, egoism into humility, anxiety and worry into serenity, complacency into action, denial into acceptance, jealousy into trust, fantasy into reality, selfishness into service, resentment into forgiveness, judgmentalism into tolerance, despair into hope, self-hate into self-respect, and loneliness into fellowship. Through this work, we learn to understand the principles of our program.”

These authors then reminded me that recovery is always a work in progress rather than a perfect finished product.  So, when I do start working on removing a character defect, my Higher Power will allow me to do it along a continuum at my own speed.  I don’t want to give my readers the idea that I have never worked on character defects before; after over three decades of recovery I have been able to make some progress—-I just never realized until last night that was exactly what I was supposed to be doing. I guess I always thought I couldn’t give anything up unless it was perfectly done. This has been in direct conflict with my knowledge that my work on character defects has been continuous and overwhelming at times because they never seemed to all just “go away.” Alcoholics employ what I have learned to call “all or none” thinking, and I should not be surprised I have erroneously looking at character defects all these years with exactly that type of thinking.

I am going to attempt to outline a brief update on my character defect progress which no longer feels like failure. This report is for today; I now know that it will continuously change as I move “up and down” the progress continuum. Picture a  1-10 continuum, if you will, with 1 being no progress and 10 being excellent progress/perfection in changing a character defect into a strong recovery principle. In making my “progress score sheet” I realize that each “couplet” value will change based on the specific situation that triggers my character defect—-or I can base my “score” on a “general overview”.

For instance, in regards to specific situations,  in the several times I have been hospitalized and facing life-saving surgery in the past couple of years, I would put my rating between fear and faith at about a 9. With each hospitalization that took work. Each time,  once I was able to surrender my rear and rely on my faith and medical intervention,  I was told my body was “resolving the issue on its own” and I could be discharged in a couple of days. Another specific situation applies to using the inventory  to look at a specific individual. If I were  looking at hate vs. love, I would probably have to give myself a “4” for Adolf Hitler rather than a 1. For me, that is progress because until recently I would have always hated him. It has recently progressed to a 4  because I am learning there is a bit of God in all of us and I need to love that ” bit.”

So,  I can do this inventory based on a specific situation or on my “general condition.” Here is  how my  “general” character defect inventory at this moment looks like (my score is the one printed in red):

Note: I apologize for the continuum not printing in a straight line across once it was copied over into WordPress format.

Obviously, I need to focus my attention on making progress at changing denial, anxiety/worry, and complacency  defects closer to the ideal recovery principles of serenity, action, and acceptance today.

I hope this review  and interpretation of a highlight of last night’s book study is helpful. Please comment and share your thoughts about changing character defects  when they are not viewed with an “all or none” approach. May God bless and keep you.

Image courtesy of artur84/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Ever since last Friday I have been dealing with a giant corporation (AT&T) expecting it to be fair and logical. I have literally spent hours on the phone trying to communicate with them  and expecting what they communicated to be consistent and understandable.  Everyone had different explanations, instructions, and requests. I have worried, made repeated urgent visits to the local AT&T store (after giving up on telephone communication), grieved the loss of my Internet these past two days, and, in general, made myself miserable trying to make sense out of an impossible situation. I should have known transferring a land line phone number to a new IPhone would not be as easy as the sales people promised—–and I should not have been surprised when the sales promises about bundles and Internet access were not kept. Enough. The purpose of today’s blog is not to vent my AT&T resentments. I am, as they say, through letting them “live rent free in my head.”

I am sharing these details so I can explain it wasn’t until I accepted reality and stopped fighting it this morning that things started getting better. Here is what I found in Alcoholics Anonymous’ “Big Book” (Anonymous, 2001, p.62)  this afternoon that put these past few days into perspective for me:

“This is the how and why of it.  First of all, we had to quit playing god. It didn’t work. Next, we decided that hereafter in this drama of life, God was going to be our Director. He is the Principal; we are His agents. He is the Father, and we are His children.”

All that resentment and worry I was nursing was really all about things not going as I had planned. I wasn’t directing “the drama”—–God was. This morning I refused to worry about it.  Instead  I decided to stop fighting and trust God with the situation. By 1:10 PM I had access to Internet, and am now able to “blog” again.  I should have “surrendered” my “playing god” much sooner; I would have enjoyed more serenity that way.

I am also reminded that when I am caught in the snares of resentment it helps  to focus my attention on things I am thankful for rather than what is bothering me. Here is the gratitude list I should have come up with this weekend instead of being mad at AT&T:

I could go on and on, but I will spare my typing fingers and my readers. The last four days would have been much easier for me if I had employed this simple technique earlier .

I need to remember that I can relax;  I can let God be in charge. I don’t have to run everything. I can sit back and let Him “drive the bus.” I can take a deep breath (inspiration of spirit), slow down, and appreciate the reality I am privileged to have and the many gifts God has given me. Why is it so hard for me to let myself be the child and Him be the father? Sure, I know trust issues play a part—-but my God has shown me over and over that the one thing I can trust in this life is Him.

Thanks for letting me “erupt” with all these words today. If you have a comment about how “letting go and letting God” works in your life—–or how focusing on gratitude rather than worry puts things in perspective, please comment. Thanks. May God bless and keep you.