angry man on phone

Image courtesy of artur84/

Ever since last Friday I have been dealing with a giant corporation (AT&T) expecting it to be fair and logical. I have literally spent hours on the phone trying to communicate with them  and expecting what they communicated to be consistent and understandable.  Everyone had different explanations, instructions, and requests. I have worried, made repeated urgent visits to the local AT&T store (after giving up on telephone communication), grieved the loss of my Internet these past two days, and, in general, made myself miserable trying to make sense out of an impossible situation. I should have known transferring a land line phone number to a new IPhone would not be as easy as the sales people promised—–and I should not have been surprised when the sales promises about bundles and Internet access were not kept. Enough. The purpose of today’s blog is not to vent my AT&T resentments. I am, as they say, through letting them “live rent free in my head.”

I am sharing these details so I can explain it wasn’t until I accepted reality and stopped fighting it this morning that things started getting better. Here is what I found in Alcoholics Anonymous’ “Big Book” (Anonymous, 2001, p.62)  this afternoon that put these past few days into perspective for me:

“This is the how and why of it.  First of all, we had to quit playing god. It didn’t work. Next, we decided that hereafter in this drama of life, God was going to be our Director. He is the Principal; we are His agents. He is the Father, and we are His children.”

All that resentment and worry I was nursing was really all about things not going as I had planned. I wasn’t directing “the drama”—–God was. This morning I refused to worry about it.  Instead  I decided to stop fighting and trust God with the situation. By 1:10 PM I had access to Internet, and am now able to “blog” again.  I should have “surrendered” my “playing god” much sooner; I would have enjoyed more serenity that way.

I am also reminded that when I am caught in the snares of resentment it helps  to focus my attention on things I am thankful for rather than what is bothering me. Here is the gratitude list I should have come up with this weekend instead of being mad at AT&T:

My life I have food in the refrigerator I have not been in the hospital since last December
My family I have appliances that work I have clothes in the closet
My dogs I have electricity and AC I still get to teach one course  at the university
My faith I have television and computer games My retirement funds are adequate
I have a roof over my head My friends My car runs and is full of gas
My bills are paid My church I have enough crochet supplies to happily crochet for years to come

I could go on and on, but I will spare my typing fingers and my readers. The last four days would have been much easier for me if I had employed this simple technique earlier .

I need to remember that I can relax;  I can let God be in charge. I don’t have to run everything. I can sit back and let Him “drive the bus.” I can take a deep breath (inspiration of spirit), slow down, and appreciate the reality I am privileged to have and the many gifts God has given me. Why is it so hard for me to let myself be the child and Him be the father? Sure, I know trust issues play a part—-but my God has shown me over and over that the one thing I can trust in this life is Him.

Thanks for letting me “erupt” with all these words today. If you have a comment about how “letting go and letting God” works in your life—–or how focusing on gratitude rather than worry puts things in perspective, please comment. Thanks. May God bless and keep you.