Archives for category: Spirituality

Inspiration

February 2, 2014 //

Photograph courtesy of Joshua Burgard

Today’s blog is a tribute to author Anne Lamott. The message she posted on her Facebook status this morning really spoke to me. First of all, she described, perfectly, the process I have to go through when I write something of worth for others to read. What a relief it is to know I share this attribute with a popular, well-read author! What spoke to my soul the loudest, though, was her description of what happens when one is able to dig through all the “chatter” that clutters one’s mind and soul until one reaches one’s “true self” (Lamott, 2014 accessed 2/2/14 at: https://www.facebook.com/AnneLamott).

Here is part of what she had to say: “And inspiration is when the really real in us gets through the chatter……… But inside that chatter, that bad self esteem and grandiosity and judgment and self-righteousness is the prize–me. My true me. Who I always was, deep inside, behind my eyes, taking it all in. My perfect precious self, who no one managed to ruin–not the parents, the culture, the worst men, the alcohol; not nothing ” (Lamott, 2014 accessed 2/2/14 at: https://www.facebook.com/AnneLamott).

I hadn’t thought about this link between my writing and my centering prayer before reading her status this morning. Both activities are centered in the “true self” Lamott describes—-one that is undaunted by the “chatter” that occupies our minds or the messages given to us by our life’s experiences. The mind’s chatter is always a distraction and challenge for me whenever I engage in centering prayer and try to “go within” to my inner self and sit quietly so that I am able to experience God’s gift of love.

Feeling God’s deep and unconditional love in that inner, true-self space—– knowing it there, in my core, gives rise to a glowing, powerful love that is able to “bleed out” and infuse itself into other aspects of my life. The certainty of that love is real, palpable, and infinitely precious. It is also comforting to know that any time I need to “re-fuel” that feeling of being unconditionally loved, I can take that journey inward through all the mind chatter and tap into it once again. It is always there. It is always part of me. No matter what.

So, thank you, Anne Lamott. Your words have gifted me with strong support for my journey through recovery. May God bless and keep you and my readers.

Tags centering prayer, God

Categories Contemplative Prayer, love, recovery, Spirituality

Recycling Eccentricity

January 30, 2014 //

Image courtesy of graur razvan ionut/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Recycling Eccentricity

This morning I got totally immersed in reading Facebook. Before I knew it (or without knowing it?) I was enmeshed in reading copious “conversations” about the town I grew up in. The conversation that jumped out at me was about “Lena, the Garbage Lady.” She was a woman with a college education who, though once a teacher, had decided to live alone with her dogs and cats and to drive a horse drawn cart through the streets of Eureka Springs picking up people’s garbage. Rumor has it she lived in a cave in the summers and a cabin in the winters. Some thought her crazy. Some thought her a witch. Some thought her a silly old “hillbilly woman.” I remember her and her cart from the time when I was a young child about 60 years ago. GTO immortalized her in their 1969 “Permanent Damage” album in their song entitled: “The Eureka Springs Garbage Lady”(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jW7d5IfEz3M).

Why bring all this up? Well, Lena has become an important symbol to me of qualities I admire in a woman. She was strong, intelligent, and independent, and she dared to think/live by her own values rather than those of society. She was years before her time; she pre-dated the feminist movement by at least a couple of decades. She “dropped out of society and lived on the land” years before all of us old “hippies” aspired to doing so. She was doing recycling before the word was invented. I wish I could turn the clock of time back and have a conversation with her. I would love to know her thoughts and to be introduced to the truths her life had taught her. Maybe I would find out the folks who called her crazy had been right. Maybe I’d find out the people who said she abandoned “society” due to a love affair having gone bad were right. Perhaps, I would find those who said she “lost her mind” because she was unable to rescue all the children from a burning school building were right. As far as I know, she never presented a danger to herself or others, and, therefore, I do not think she could legally be considered insane (crazy). However, in small rural towns being different can be enough to get you labeled crazy. I think she was an intelligent woman who was brave enough to choose to be different, regardless of what motivated her to become a recluse garbage collector.

I hope I can allow this woman’s legacy to help me have the courage to be different and live according to what I consider to be important rather than what society considers important. I always assumed Ms. Lena had a very active spiritual life filled with prayer and meditation. Maybe I have her mixed up with the Dalai Lama, but that does not really matter. What matters is how I live my life. You see, I want to be independent and to march to my own drummer, but I want to do it within the context of relationships with people and my God. I want to be immersed in spirituality, but I want to do it amidst my fellow humans rather than while being a recluse. Don’t get me wrong, I highly respect those who devote their lives to being in constant contact with a spiritual being on a spiritual plane rather than in the context of our world’s shared reality. I need others to teach me, to show me, to inspire me, to let me feel the God within them, and to let me hear the God within them. Otherwise, I would not be challenged to grow. I would become complacent. I would go to sleep.

So, the message from today’s blog is to immerse yourself in the world that surrounds you and relate to the people you encounter. Take time to think about what your observations have to teach you. Take these observations and interpretations inward where one can discover the spiritual truths imbedded in daily existence. May God bless and keep you.

Tags feminism, God, pioneer, recycling

Categories Consideration, Spirituality

Lesson in Common Sense

January 29, 2014 //

Well, yesterday turned out to be quite an exciting day. At around 3:30 PM my youngest dog, Gus, started trying to throw up. This is not unusual for a dog. Only nothing came up, and he kept trying to empty his stomach for about 45 minutes. I had a church meeting to go to, but I could not just leave him. So, I called my vet and took him in to be checked. Of course, I was late to my meeting, but everyone understood. Gus was given two shots, and I was given pills to take home and give him over the next two days. That little excursion cost $82.00. I have to keep telling myself he’s worth it—–and my peace of mind is worth it also.

He had not been fed anything unusual, and I did not find any disintegrated pen or pencil parts lying around. He was still eating and drinking, and he never acted like he was in any pain. I didn’t figure out what I think happened until hours later. I had shaken some garlic and other spices into some salad dressing I was making for lunch, and I remembered sweeping the excess spices that didn’t land in the salad bowl off onto the floor. I think Gus may have licked the spices up off the floor and that is what made him sick.

So, what can I learn from this in terms of spirituality? Well, let me see. First of all, a little spice in one’s life can become problematic if one has a bad reaction to the substance. That is what happened to me back in the day when I was practicing my drinking problem. There were plenty of times I drank until I threw up. Fortunately, God gave me the gift of recovery before I poisoned myself to the point of death. In a way, Gus’ trip to the vet was like myself being introduced to a 12 step meeting. I never saw anyone put $82.00 in the donation basket that was passed around, but the result of that introduction was priceless. I was given a “prescription” for healthy living, and with God’s help I have been able to follow it. Gus is sleeping in my lap as I type. Like me, with a little loving help from a Higher Power, he has been able to follow prescribed directions and is getting better.

I was the one that made the spices accessible to Gus, and, in a way, God made alcohol and food accessible to me. However, I did not force my dog to lick the spices up off the floor, and God did not forced me to drink alcohol. I am sure there is one big difference here—-Gus didn’t know what he was licking up could be harmful, and I always knew alcohol had the potential to be harmful. Following the prescription I was given to attain sobriety and stay in recovery is a matter of accepting my Higher Power’s help and following the directions offered by AA’s twelve steps. This is a choice I have to make on a daily basis —- I have to turn my life and my will over to God on a daily basis if I want to survive. To my delight, I have found this turning over process to provide me with much more than mere survival. Following my “recovery prescription” has been given the gift of an evolving spirituality, and for this I will be eternally grateful. Today, I will, by the grace of God, turn things over to him as I go through my day. I will also keep spices that have the potential to be toxic to pets off my kitchen floor—-another lesson in common sense learned the hard way. God bless and keep you.

Tags God, working AA's 12 steps

Categories recovery, Spirituality

Open Awareness

January 28, 2014 //

Image courtesy of graur razvan ionut/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Today’s blog is focused on the following quote:

“Please, Lord, teach us to laugh again; but God, don’t ever let us forget that we cried.”

Friends in Recovery & Jerry S., (1993). Prayers for the Twelve Steps: A Spiritual Journey, p.51, Curtis, WA: RPI. Inc.

This morning when I read this prayer, I knew it was what I needed to write about in today’s blog. I have, on occasion, had students assigned to attend an open Alcoholics’ Anonymous meeting question why they encountered so much dark humor in the meeting they attended. They do not understand the alcoholics’ need to use humor to remind themselves of where they’ve been in order to reinforce where they are and where they are going in their journey of recovery. The above quoted prayer explains our need to remember the pain and suggests one means of doings so is through laughter.

In the “Sermon on the Mount” so many of us are familiar with, it is reported that Jesus said, ” Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven”(Matthew 5:3, KJV). I am participating in an 11th step discussion group focused on the content of this sermon, and, so far, we have spent two weeks discussing this first beatitude. I think we will be spending more time trying to appreciate the true meaning it conveys. One thing we have all agreed upon is those of us who are alcoholics were mired in the despair of hitting bottom before we became willing to seek and receive the gift of recovery. People in recovery often have to realize they are “poor in spirit” before they are willing to commence their journey into and within recovery.

Do people have to experience opposites to appreciate or improve their experience? I have often heard the argument people have to be sad before they can appreciate being happy. Another version I have encountered is that without experiencing evil we cannot appreciate experiencing good. The list could go on and on—–we need to experience the current polar vortex coldness that envelops us in order to appreciate the warmth that will surround us in July; without being alone, we cannot appreciate the comfort of being in relationship, etc. Are these just convenient yet commonly held beliefs we use to explain the inexplicable?

In a little less than two weeks I will hit the 65 year old milestone in my journey through life, and, in my experience, it is the sad, painful times in my life that have taught me the most, spiritually speaking. One of the things, though, that I am currently trying to do is to learn to focus my awareness and attention so that I can notice the blessings, the “positives,” the miracles that are embedded in my day by day life experience so that I can appreciate them in the present moment without having to experience their painful counterpoint. It is my intent that if I can learn to do this I will no longer repeatedly need to be miserable before my Higher Power gets my attention and motivates me to change something within myself to make things better.

One closing and loosely related thought has to do with perception. Over and over again, I have tried to teach my students that we perceive and interpret what we expect to perceive and interpret. Now the teacher has to learn to change her own expectations, perceptions, and interpretations. I am grateful that I do not have to face this challenge or any other by myself. My Higher Power is guiding me through this as he has guided me through everything else. My biggest part in this is to be willing to allow this part of my journey to unfold. So, yes. I am going to make jokes and laugh about some of the painful experiences in my past so that I will not forget them and they will continue to support my journey The laughter helps me revisit my life’s pain in a healthy way—-a way that keeps me from returning to and getting mired down in past despair and supports my current recovery.

Tags awareness, expectations, humor, laughter, willingness

Categories recovery, Spirituality

Blessings

January 26, 2014 //

Image courtesy of Naypong,/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Everywhere I have gone today I have encountered the word “blessed.” Different meanings of the word blessed were talked about in our Sunday school class; those meanings included “happy,” “wonderful news” or “fortunate.” Then, once I had gotten home and eaten lunch, I read the material that had been electronically sent to those of us who participate in a Sunday afternoon 11th step focused study of Matthew’s “Beatitudes.” Of course, it was information about the various meanings of the word blessed.

In the Sunday school discussion, the beatitudes were presented as a proclamation Jesus made of how he was starting to create God’s kingdom on earth by turning things “upside down,” and the author of the book we were studying (Wright, N. T.,2002, Matthew for Everyone, Part 1, Louisville, KY: John Knox Press) emphasized that these “blessings” were not something we are rewarded with in heaven after we die for having lived the “right kind of life.” Instead, Wright points out that these blessings are present-tense blessings and suggests we should try living according to these principles in the present moment. He doesn’t specify how to do so, but I sure he means to live in a manner that helps create God’s kingdom in the present moment. I cannot imagine he means to purposefully become poor, hungry, persecuted, or look forward to mourning the death of someone you love.

According to Bob Towner (2014), the convener of the 11th Step Beatitudes Study Group, the blessings Jesus was addressing in what is traditionally thought of as the “Sermon on the Mount” were actually an invitation to search one’s inner self in order to find peace and happiness—–even in unhappy situations like those specified in the beatitudes. Towner’s spin on the meaning of the beatitudes suggests Jesus is actually “offering me [us] the choice of finding worthiness and benefit in attitudes and conditions which the world finds useless or shameful.” This means I need to apply what I encounter in my inner searching into changing my attitudes and behaviors accordingly.

So, I am faced with considering two different perceptions of the message Jesus was trying to give those who were listening—-as well as to those of us who are reading the account of what he said. They both seem to agree that they are more “here and now” than future focused. They both seem to agree that the “blessings” are in direct relationship with actions one must take to feel blessed in the present moment. I have experienced peace and happiness within my inner being when surrounded by the very things mentioned in the beatitudes, and practicing the 12 steps has taught me that much of my inner peace depends on changing my attitudes and actions.

I think I just figured out my take on all this. Blessings are something God gives to me if I am willing to seek them in a spiritual manner. They are not concrete, measurable rewards to be stacked up in heaven or here on earth. I don’t have to do things to make myself miserable in order to receive them. However, I would be the first to admit there have been times in the past when I was only able to find such blessings because I was miserable enough to surrender my will and to actively seek God’s will. Fortunately, I am learning to work on my “God seeking” skills, and I am much more able to realize and accept blessings now than I have been in the past; I am also fortunate that it doesn’t always take “hitting bottom” to motivate me to seek God and his blessings these days. Although I still work on changing my attitudes and behavior for the better, I still have lots of room for improvement.

So, when I close my blogs with “God bless and keep you,” I am not suggesting you just sit around and wait for God to drop blessings on your head. I am inviting you to actively seek those blessings and hoping you will find and express them in your attitudes and behavior. Although I would like my closing to be some sort of magical spell that guarantees my readers will be blessed and safely held in God’s arms, it is actually expressing my hope that you will actively seek, find, and share God’s love and the peace that “passes all understanding.” God bless and keep you.

Tags beatitudes, blessings, God, working AA's 12 steps

Categories Contemplative Prayer, peace, recovery, Spirituality

“Oh, you again.”

January 25, 2014 //

Image courtesy of suphakit73/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

In an 11th step centering prayer meeting discussion this morning we talked about how we all have recurring compulsions and that we should not be self-critical when related obsessive thoughts become the focus of our attention. It was suggested that we should acknowledge such thoughts and look beyond them and continue seeking the God of our choosing. Thus, one can develop the habit of thought redirection so that the after first acknowledging such thoughts one can think something like, “Oh, you again” and immediately follow that thought with “I am going to look over/around you as I seek to be in the presence of my Higher Power.” The “you again” is simple enough for me, but I’ve got to work on the re-direction part.

In recognizing the all too familiar obsessive thoughts (cravings) I tend to sometimes start thinking about the “you” addressed in “oh, you again” rather than immediately turning the focus of my thoughts to the God that protects me from giving into those cravings. It can be as simple as just taking a deep breath and thinking “I’m in God’s hands, you no longer have power over me” or “I’m not wasting my time on you anymore, I am, instead, turning my will and my life over to the care of my God as I understand him.” I have heard these phrases repeated over and over again by people in recovery, and I have even said them myself. But this is the first time I have associated them with mindful breathing and centering prayer—–a practice that is teaching me to quiet my mind and extraneous thoughts while I consent to spending some alone time with God, accepting his love, and listening instead of asking.

I have experienced a lot of “positive side effects” of centering prayer since I have been learning this new technique. One is that the skills my mind learns to use while in centering prayer can “bleed out” into “ordinary reality.” For example, I can have an obsessive thought about food any time I open my refrigerator—–or even think about what is in my refrigerator. I am learning to just smile and think, “oh, you again” when such thoughts occur. Then I immediately remember I started the day off by turning my will and my life over to God, so those thoughts are rendered “powerless” over triggering compulsive eating. I’ve been doing something similar to this for years whenever I happen to walk through a grocery store’s liquor section.

Applying this thought redirection approach is starting to help me put my eating compulsion into perspective. I have been trying the “25 chews/bite with one breath between bites” method (Altman, Donald, 2004. Meal by Meal: 365 Daily Meditations for Finding Balance Through Mindful Eating, Kindle Locations 3644-3648, New World Library, Kindle Edition )when I consciously remember to do so. It has amazed me that it no longer feels “silly” as my previous attempts to learn to eat slowly have. Now I am aware of taste, texture, and the need to chew things thoroughly before swallowing. The breath between bites has been amazing—–it reminds to thank God during those “breathing” times for the gift of living—–of being able to breathe and to eat healthy food as it should be eaten. It has changed eating from being a frantic race to fill an ever-empty hole to a celebration of the sacred. What once seemed tedious and unnecessary has become a very viable, easy way to accomplish a means of reaffirming my spiritual path. It is amazing to me how much better thought redirection can work for me if the re-direction I apply is directly associated with something spiritually important to me .

God bless and keep you.

Tags centering prayer, compulsive eating, God, thought redirection

Categories Contemplative Prayer, recovery, Spirituality

Writer’s Block

January 24, 2014 //

Image courtesy of dan/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I’ve hit a writer’s block these last couple of days. I don’t know why. I am “pretty sure,” as we say in the Arkansas Ozarks where I grew up, that I cannot blame my block on the icy cold weather we’re having. I filled my car up yesterday and by the time I finished and paid for my fuel the end of my thumb on my right hand was so cold it was numb and I couldn’t feel it. I am sure you folks who live up north are used to that sort of thing, but it was a personal revelation to me of how only brief exposure to temperatures like we have been having can be dangerous. Then, tonight, I just heard on the news that they tried to put a house fire out in a nearby town and had to go to about four or fire hydrants before they could find one that was not frozen. I must admit I’ve never thought about how difficult it must be to fight fires when everything water-related is frozen.

I am insulated from the “cold reality” here in my little 60 year old house–my pipes haven’t frozen, and I keep things at a constant chilly 63 degrees. The dogs all wear sweaters or jackets, and I wear sweats or leggings—and layer with layers of socks, sweaters, and vests. I don’t see how the homeless can survive when temperatures get this low. I am grateful we have what we need to stay warm, dry, and inside.

I don’t exactly know where this is going in terms of a “spiritual theme”—-but where it seems to be taking me is to a sense of deep gratitude that I was born into the life I have had. I am grateful that though I don’t have a lot, I have enough. I may not get all my “wants, ” but God has made sure my needs are met. And in meeting those needs, God has taught me I can trust him; and I am extremely grateful for the gift of “growing trust.”

We were talking at a meeting the other night about how one needs to be able to trust to work AA’s 12 steps, and our conversation went from there to how do you learn to trust. Sadly, I think it is easier for me to describe all the incidents in my life that make it hard for me to trust. It is much harder to describe how I have learned trust. What I said in the meeting, and what I still believe, is that I think I’ve learned just a little bit more trust every time I turn my will and my life over to the care of my Higher Power—-because when I do so, in spite of my fears of letting go of control, I always get “good things” and “good experiences” in return. I have learned to trust God, too, because he has been there with me to see me safely through the various crises I’ve experienced. You can’t be “hauled back in from the brink of death” as many times as I have without knowing that God can be trusted.

The trust I’ve developed over the years is for God and not necessarily for other humans. However, I am noticing that the more I trust God, the more I trust the God I believe is within all of us. In the past I have had a tendency to trust the wrong people—usually for wrong reasons. Now, when I find myself trusting people it is more for the right reasons—–reasons that are spiritually based rather than coming from a needy co-dependent place that needs validation from others . Now that I am involved in an active, ongoing relationship with God, I am no longer needy, and I am definitely less co-dependent. I have not yet learned to totally trust my judgment of others, but I am beginning to believe that if I allow God to lead me instead of my self-will, I will know when it is safe to trust someone and when I need to back off.

Well, looks like today’s blog meandered its way around to the topics of gratitude and trust. A couple of traits I am glad I have been cultivating these past few decades. I am a slow learner! May God bless and keep you.

Tags gratitude, trust

Categories recovery, Spirituality

One Bite at a Time

January 22, 2014 //

Image courtesy of imagerymajestic/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

According to Altman (2004, Meal by Meal: 365 Daily Meditations for Finding Balance Through Mindful Eating, Kindle Locations 3867-3868, New World Library, Kindle Edition), Mae West once said “One reason I don’t drink is that I want to know when I’m having a good time.” I have to admit that quote caught my attention and gave me a deep, belly-centered chuckle. However, there is much truth in it. Now that I am on a spiritual journey I don’t want to let any of my addictions take away my ability to know what I am experiencing.

Much of what I have read this afternoon has called my attention to the unspiritual manner in which I eat. For those of you who don’t know, my addictions include both compulsive eating and alcoholism. I have been in recovery from alcohol for over three decades, but my eating is another story. I have to practice “controlled eating” every day if I am to live—-something I would never try doing with alcohol. I can sometimes go for months and years at a time letting my Higher Power guide my eating, but there always comes that time when I want to “try it on my own again.”

Not surprisingly, my excursions back into self-controlled eating lead to weight gain and feelings of inadequacy, hopelessness, and, yes, shame that I have “fallen into the same old hole again.” The good news now though is I don’t have to fall as far—-or fall to the point that I almost die. I can’t seem to tolerate feeling “distanced from God” these days; and that is what happens when I take control of my food back from my Higher Power. He helps me recognize the negative physical and psychological consequences my unhealthy eating triggers, and I realize that once again my own addictive behavior has kept me from fully enjoying and appreciating God’s grace. These periods of “slip time” don’t last nearly as long as they used to, and I don’t know if it is because I am more spiritual or have just grown older and wiser. I know part of it is that I have “tasted” the grace of being 100% in relationship with my Higher Power and it gets harder and harder to tolerate the self-imposed vacations I take from that level of closeness. So, I think Mae West was right—I want to fully appreciate being a human being walking hand in hand with God, and I am less and less attracted to doing anything that takes me away from that—-which, in my case, is drinking alcohol or compulsively eating—eating my way, when I want, and how I want. See that word “I” starting to assert itself? For me, that is the word that usually ruins things.

Very quickly in closing, I want to share some advice from the author cited at the beginning of today’s blog (Donald Altman). I think his suggestions will help me learn to eat in a healthier, more mindful manner. Basically he suggests taking a breath between bites and focusing on your breathing. He suggests concentrating on being aware of the taste, smell, texture, etc. of the food in your mouth. His instruction to “chew up to twenty-five times before swallowing” (Kindle Locations 3644-3648) will be the hardest one for me to follow; however, something tells me the breathing and extensive chewing are both extremely important practices for me to adopt. Of course, it is also important to be aware of feelings and emotions associated with eating. I can tell that I have NOT been a mindful eater in the past—-and that Mae West would say I’ve probably missed out on a good time! God bless and keep you.

Tags addictive behavior, compulsive eating, mindfulness

Categories recovery, Spirituality

The Invisible Path

January 21, 2014 //

Image courtesy of chrisroll/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I was in a book study session last night where the beliefs of scientists vs. religious folk were being compared. Naturally, a lot of stereotyping was involved. Scientists were being labeled as atheists or agnostics and religious folk as Christian. The book we were studying talked about how Christians have assumed they have known the whole and absolute truth since it was revealed to them, while scientists have remained open minded and capable of holding and testing hypotheses (educated guesses) until they are supported or not supported as “truth.” Somehow in our group discussion, scientists became the “good guys” while it was implied close minded Christians were the “bad guys.”

Personally, I am not one to stand up for either group even though I am a card carrying group of both groups—-only I would like to clarify that my personal “brand” of Christianity is less close minded than most. My addictions research has been scientific; my personal spiritual journey has been built on a Christian foundation. My criticism of scientists is that they can put blinders on as well as anyone else and their “hypotheses” only allow them to look in one specific direction; some have been known to fake research outcomes to “fit” their hypotheses. On the other hand, my criticism of Christianity is similar. One’s particular set of “religious sunglasses” is shaped by the way one has been taught to believe—–which also has the potential to close minds and hearts off to anyone who disagrees with one’s beliefs.

Therefore, the main difference between the two camps, as I see it, is that we all tend to be biased in one way or another. In science our bias stems from what we call our “hypotheses” while in Christianity it stems from what we call our “faith.” Granted, scientists try to be objective about what they are viewing, but when something is not considered real unless it can be measured most of the magic of God’s creation is left out of the picture. The way I have dealt with this is to step quietly off both well-beaten paths onto an almost invisible path. This invisible path has led me into the uncharted territory of spirituality. This is the land where my heart, mind, and soul meet Creator, God, Higher Power—-that essence that has not only created me but is in all of creation, including you and me. Here is where I am safe, where I am loved, and where I can take off my sunglasses and let my spirit soar into the only reality that matters.

Don’t get the idea that my spirit soars off to live happily ever after and never comes back to deal with the reality at hand. To the contrary, I am nurtured and strengthened by my spiritual journey so that I can redirect my attention to the reality at hand . What I discover when I explore my “spiritual path” makes me more capable of sharing the love and wisdom I have encountered on my journey with those who share our common reality of the moment. Thus, hopefully, I am in my own small way helping spread the experience, strength, and joy I have encountered by taking the “spiritual detour” that has saved my life and sanity.

Tags Creator, God, reality, religion, science

Categories Spirituality

Unclogging the Bridge

January 19, 2014 //

Image courtesy of tratong/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

In the sermon I heard in church this morning a question I had asked several months ago came up as a topic of discussion. The church I belong to suggests we pray a series of prayers and read accompanying scripture 3-4 times daily. Included in each prayer session is a prayer of confession apologizing and asking God for forgiveness for our sins and promising our repentance. Today in our adult bible study class we learned that repentance is more than an attitude—-it also means actively turning away from what one is repenting. The question I had previously asked was why do we need to confess four times a day? My reason for asking the question was that I am uncomfortable asking for forgiveness when I promised “not to sin again” just a few hours earlier. I am reminded of the story of the little boy that cried wolf too many times, when he finally did spy a wolf and run to tell the people in his village they wouldn’t take his warning seriously. By repeatedly confessing, asking for forgiveness, and promising to repent several times a day, do I not run the risk of God not taking me seriously—-or worse yet, not taking myself seriously?

The answer I was given to this question, both at the time the priest and I had our conversation and again in this morning’s sermon, was basically that since we are imperfect humans we tend to sin whether we realize it or not; hence the need to repeatedly confess and repent. I still have a bit of trouble with this philosophy. If repentance is based on a sincere apology and a promise not to do something again, wouldn’t we need to consciously know what sin we were apologizing for in order to avoid repeating it?

When I turn my will and my life over to the care of my Higher Power as I understand him, I need to begin looking at my past and present actions to identify things I have done or am doing that hurt myself or others. According to AA’s 12 steps, one then needs to “make amends” and change one’s behavior accordingly. If I am sincere about changing something in my life, I ask for knowledge of God’s will and the power to carry it out on a one day at a time basis. And, yes, I often repeat that prayer several times a day. AA’s 12 steps suggest we take a careful look at what we have done each day and make amends in a timely fashion. Nowhere in AA’s “Big Book” have I read a suggestion that we ask God to forgive our mistakes, promise not to do them, and then repeat the exact same prayer three more times in the same day.

Now that I’ve gotten that “rant” off my chest, I need to look at what is really important for me to realize in the midst of all this spiritual “free association.” Obviously, I and my self-pride are the problem. I doubt God is bothered by repeated requests for forgiveness and promises to repent. It is my pride/ego that resists “humbling” myself that often. I need to get over myself and ask my Higher Power to forgive me for thinking I am above asking for forgiveness several times a day. In reading what I have written so far, it is also obvious that many of my sins fall in the realm of attitude and false pride. My character defect of procrastination also lands a lot of my “sins” in the “things left undone” category. I need to “open the bridge” between God’s love and forgiveness and myself by being willing to ask for and receive it more often than I do—–especially since I tend to deny my sins and not recognize them until I force myself to take a serious “mental inventory.” Perhaps following a discipline of structured prayer sessions throughout the day may offer me a way to cultivate this habit. May God bless and keep you.

Tags character defect, forgiveness, God, self-will

Categories love, recovery, Spirituality