According to Teleflora (http://www.teleflora.com/poinsettia/flowers-plants/poinsettia-detail.asp), “… in today’s language of flowers, red, white or pink poinsettias, the December birth flower, symbolize good cheer and success and are said to bring wishes of mirth and celebration.” In my church, it is an annual tradition to purchase Poinsettias in honor of someone who has died or in celebration. I have never purchased one or taken one home. This time I did so to honor the memory of my father who recently died. Now, if the Teleflora folks are right, I can hope that in addition to honoring my father this magical flower will also bring laughter and happy times to those of us who mourn his passing.
However, the time spent at church this morning focused on something much more important than magical symbols. A group of us attended a class on forgiveness and reconciliation. My 12 step involvement has repeatedly focused my attention on making progress in the areas of forgiveness and acceptance. Therefore, I thought I was coming to this class with a good deal of “advanced work” that might give me “an edge” over some of the other participants. But of course, as every good “evolving elder” should be able to do, I was able to open my mind and heart so I could encounter some new ideas about forgiveness.
This morning I was introduced to a new take on the forgiveness/memory continuum—-and that was the suggestion that one of the pathways to forgiveness is to work at being able to experience a memory without simultaneously experiencing associated emotional entanglements such as anger and hurt.
Another highlight of this morning’s class was the fact that forgiveness is not about fairness, justice, or apologies from those who have hurt and/or wronged us—-and that the process of forgiveness evolves over time. This process is nurtured by being part of a community that understands what you are trying to do and supports one’s involvement in this process.
This hit home with me because I realized that this has actually been my experience. In the past eleven years or so I have been actively supported both by my 12 step community and my church community in making the journey from a very painful divorce through hurt, blame, and anger to my current level of moderate acceptance. I can now think of what happened as a memory; I no longer get bombarded by waves of hurt, anger, or blame. I can remember the important lessons I learned, and I can honestly say I am truly moving on. This could never have happened without my faith, my church, and my recovery program. Hopefully, I’ll get a bit quicker at my “forgiveness participation” as I continue on my life’s journey.
I want to close by wishing all my readers love, peace, and acceptance of God’s grace, love, and blessings during this year of 2015. In the past year this blog has been viewed about 2100 times with visitors from 39 countries, mostly from the US, Iceland, and Canada. Thank you, my readers, for helping me believe in my writing.
Living One Day at a Time 
Thank you for this post about forgiveness. It reflects much better my own work at forgiveness than I could articulate. I don’t have the good fortune of working with the support of a group, but I used the process of the Tutus: http://www.forgivenesschallenge.com It was both effective and deeply moving. I’m in the process of repeating it for another past harm. Only a billion more to go!
Thanks for the link! So glad this helped. You’re right about only about a billion more to go! I can’t say it gets easier, but I can say for myself it gets less overwhelming.
If this were FB, I’d say double like!
The hard part for me is to watch other people I love struggle with forgiveness, when I want it to be over for them and watch them move back together so we can all be together.. It isn’t happening in my time frame. May God be the guiding light for their struggles. That’s the part I have to accept and forgive. I have to give them over to God every day. Waiting is hard.
It is about learning patience and acceptance for life on God’s terms and time table instead of our own. Thank you for your comments!