Cloud of Acceptance

Image courtesy of dan/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Aromatization, aromatize, aroma. So much for conjugating a non-verb as if it were a verb! I think I have “aromatized” myself into a semiconscious relaxed stupor. Lavender relaxes and promotes sleep, and for three hours last night I inhaled  what I think of as “air of slumber”  (air infused with the scent of lavender)  after going to bed. I slept deeply. Now I can’t wake up. Maybe my mind is still not used to the “fall back” time switch we put ourselves through every fall, and maybe I am just relaxed. Serenity and relaxation are new concepts for me, and I often feel a wee bit “lost and wandering/wondering” when I am experiencing these states.

I am not complaining. I am just trying to learn to recognize and enjoy this feeling. It is different than the lethargy that sometimes accompanies depression. There is nothing sad or overwhelming about it. It is more like being semi-stuck in “being”—-just being with no particular emotion feathering through my thoughts. It is a bit like yesterday morning was on the drive to church.  Yesterday morning was a bright morning disguised in a heavy fog that let you see what you  needed to see but seemed to buffer everything else. Moments of beauty and clarity would stand out as you approached and passed a tree fully clothed in autumn splendor. Moments of gratitude came with the last minute ability to spot a traffic light ahead.  At other times,  a “spotlight” of God’s sunlight broke through the “cloud” that embraced everything and what would have otherwise been “normal reality” seemed just a bit surreal.

I have been exposed to excerpts from an ancient anonymous text called the “Cloud of Unknowing ,” and that may be part of what has triggered this type of unique yet not drug-induced perception I am experiencing. It feels more like a “cloud of acceptance”—-granted, I don’t “know”—— but I also don’t care because I am content to be in the moment.

In a short while I will need to combine a bit more “action” with my perception as I travel to the university to teach today’s class. So I am reaching for my morning drug of choice, caffeine, and starting to “wake-up” so I can be a bit more engaged by the time I walk through those portals of education. But this relaxed morning will go with me as I savor “what was” in my mind as I experience today. For that I am grateful. Perhaps I may be able to integrate my new way of perceiving into my “activities of daily living” just a bit better after this morning’s gift. I have learned to love the “Be Here Now” philosophy, but I need to learn how to fuse the “sit still” kind with the “active mindful” kind a bit better—-and today has been a step forward in this process of evolution.

Thank you for your patience in accompanying me through my “freely associated” thoughts this morning. Please comment and share any thoughts this exercise in abstract thinking might have triggered for you. May God keep and bless you.