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I have been trying to master a new crochet stitch/pattern since 8:30 AM this morning. There’s a reason they call how tight you hold the yarn when you are crocheting or knitting “tension.” Now, three hours later, I have to admit I am powerless over crocheting and my life is unmanageable. Surprise! I have to let go of it and come back to it later. In addition, I think I need to try to understand what is driving the obsession.?!

Is it false pride—wanting to create something new and beautiful that everyone will “ooooh….and ah……” over when I show it to them? It  cannot be that I need another scarf, hot pad, afghan, throw or shawl because I have already  made multiples of each. Maybe it is because I have started getting arthritis in my wrists and  hands and I am afraid it will eventually force me to have to give this addictive hobby up. Or maybe it is because I am procrastinating from going online at the government’s Medicare site to figure out what I need to do to be covered in a few months when I turn 65. The thought of going on any government Internet site is not one I welcome.

Usually, I crochet just because it is fun and provides a big dose of serotonin and serenity. Other times, like today, it feels driven and obsessive—–about as far away from serenity as I can get.  I look at the 8″X 5″ rectangular swatch I’ve made with this new pattern in the last  few hours and I have to admit it is pretty. But it is not perfect. I either have to decide it never will be so I can start enjoying myself again or I need to find another pattern that will not be so demanding.

That last paragraph has a bit of “life’s wisdom” in it. When I recognize something is creating tension and anxiety for me I need to step back and take a look at it. If I am making myself anxious because I expect perfection—now, and not in God’s time or maybe even without his help—then I need to change my expectations! I need to accept good and nice rather than perfect and awesome. I need to accept a “B” or a “C” rather than feeling like a failure if I cannot get an “A” or an “A+.”  I need to readjust my priorities and put God and God’s grace, love, and help first rather than my ego that wants to pride itself on something done perfectly, quickly, and without help.

So, this morning I made a pretty and functional dust rag. It can double as a wash rag. If all the stray ends from changing colors are not tucked neatly out of site or even if it starts unraveling—–it is still a good and useful tool. I am smiling and laughing now. That is a huge improvement over “tense crocheting!”

Please comment and share your thoughts about the part acceptance and changing expectations has played in an every-day situation in your life. May God bless and keep you.

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