Archives for posts with tag: Creator

Acceptance2

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Just heard a commercial  on television for a movie where the narrator announces “moderation is for cowards.” Finally, I have it on good authority I am not a coward! Somehow that still doesn’t make my “nothing in moderation” memories any easier to bear. Now, I am watching a re-run of a Law and Order Special Victims Unit episode about alcoholism and blackouts. The attorney who was an alcoholic basher has to face her own alcoholism in this episode, and the defendant who got off on a miss-trial has to live with the knowledge he’ll never know if he killed a stranger during a blackout or not. An expert during the trial testified about evidence supporting the fact that alcoholism is a neurological disease.

As for my other “main addiction,” compulsive eating, not being a coward doesn’t make it any easier to live with trigger foods, food cravings, and binge eating or addictive dieting/exercise. There is probably a neuro-biological justification for that “condition” also. With alcohol, you can stop drinking. With food, you have to eat to stay alive.

I am not going to make any New Year’s resolutions about any of this because the only reprieve I have is a daily gift from my Higher Power. My addictions are what they are. Thank heaven the solution is what it is for both of them. God does do for me what I cannot do for myself. Even with these gifts those of us in recovery have to live in reality; we don’t automatically live happily ever after—-nor does anyone, for that matter.  Those of us in recovery are often well acquainted with depression. Many times we have residual physical problems left over to remind us of previous excesses. Sometimes we cross-addict to something else that eventually kills us; many in recovery die from problems associated with smoking——an addiction that, compared to alcoholism, can seem relatively safe.

Where am I going with this? I am not sure. I am presently “recovering” and recuperating from my drive back home after spending Christmas with family. What used to be an enjoyable experience I looked forward to, driving to and from my father’s house,  is now a major challenge. The trip back took two hours more than it should have. Seven hours became nine hours. Emergent GI problems which necessitated multiple stops along the way and painful arthritic wrists added to the challenge. I am grateful to have arrived home, and I am working on accepting my mind, body, and eyesight (after dark driving with beginning level cataracts  is the pits!) are all altering as I age.

I am grateful for God giving me almost an entire year without having to be hospitalized.  Even though medical experts cannot explain my reoccurring partial small bowel blockages, this year has taught me stress plays a big role in contributing to them. I have consciously tried to avoid as much stress as I can since my last hospitalization, and I think limiting my driving trips to my father’s and back to only two trips this year has probably helped me do so along with all the other changes I have instituted in my life such as deep breathing, centering prayer, meditation, lavender-based aroma therapy, and just “saying no” to being over-extended .

The time spent with my almost 92 year old father was a true gift from God, and I thank Creator for giving me the special time I was able to share with him.  I would not have missed it for the world. I think  I am starting to realize I am becoming a coward. I am learning moderation in some things. Sometimes I do so kicking and screaming, sometimes I am a bit more receptive.

As we approach the New Year I ask Creator to continue to help me accept moderation on an as-needed basis, and for all my friends who can still celebrate seeing the New Year in with the help of alcoholic beverages, I pray that Creator also gives you the gift of moderation or a designated driver to see you safely home. God bless and keep you.

Christmas decorations

Image courtesy of Feelart/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

It is a dreary, gray day. At least we are not getting slammed with snow and ice like other places are on this, the first day of winter. I’ll take rain and temps in the fifties any day over freezing temps, sleet, and snow.

It seems like a good day for a nap. My dogs are all curled up snoozing away. There is an intermittent gurgle coming from my essential oil diffuser, and the fiber optic light show on my little Christmas tree is blinking its magic.

Perhaps it is time for me to quietly reflect on  what Christmas means to me now that I am an evolving elder and am no longer a child. Am I simply celebrating a birthday of a  religious figure born centuries ago? Am I caught up in being the  best “gifter” in my family or circle of friends? Does it mean sending a Christmas Card filled not so much with wishes for a blessed Christmas as much as bragging of family accomplishments?

I can only give my answer for this moment. I have not sent Christmas cards. I have the single, small, aforementioned Christmas tree blinking in a corner of my living room. I am wearing Christmas themed socks as well as a Christmas themed sweat shirt. I have been and am being a “busy little Christmas elf” as I crochet gifts for my family and friends.

But, all that aside, Christmas is not about “extraneous accouterments”  for me this year. I have been seeing Christmas through a new “lens” in my proverbial sunglasses. I have been taking intermittent excursions inward, seeking to communicate with God as I understand him,  and focusing on building a stronger, more intimate spiritual relationship with my Creator. Christmas is a miracle that is taking place in my soul as I reunite with my Creator, acknowledge and accept his love, and attempt to share that love with others.

Is this magical event limited to the last month of the year? To December 25th? No. I am participating in a relationship that lasts for eternity. God’s love is always there, but it is up to me be aware of it, accept it, and share it. Somehow, doing so is much more important than simply saying “Happy Birthday!” one day a year. I am coming to believe life is meant to be a continuous celebration of God’s love and creation, one day at time, throughout eternity.

Take Care. Stay safe, dry, and warm. May God bless and keep you.

Neon Looking Cross

Photograph compliments of Joshua  Burgard

Today a small personal miracle occurred. I found my “sacred word”—–one that is very powerful for me and one I will only use within the context of centering prayer (CP). Just thinking this word brings me almost instant relaxation and a sense of well being—-of being safe in oneness with Creator. I am not saying this word will always do that, but today it did. I am grateful.

This morning when I used this word in our 11th Step Centering Prayer group it felt like I had found my way home and God was there greeting me with a big bear hug full of unspeakable love. It wasn’t an “aha” moment  or even an epiphany. It was, however, a wonderful gift to have finally found  my own personal shortcut to feeling intimately loved in the present presence of God.

To speak about my experience in too much detail detracts from its magic and the depth of its meaning, so I will stop trying to explain. Instead of wondering how and why, I choose to accept this gift with the faith of a child. This gift of relationship with Creator in the present moment just is.

Santa

Image courtesy of vectorolie/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

It is like waiting up on Christmas Eve hoping to finally catch a glimpse of Santa Claus and  finally encountering him for real 61 years later. I have had previous “moments of encounter” before, but they were not initiated by my  intentional voluntarily consent,  surrender, and acceptance. One was drug initiated back in the 60s, and the others have been crisis initiated.   Those encounters were just as real, and they were also awe-inspiring.  But knowing that I now have a way to let myself be caught up in the magic whenever I want without having to experience a crisis or swallow a hallucinogen is a very exciting discovery.

Enough blathering. I tend to do that when I am excited about something. I hope this Saturday is being good to you. May God bless and keep you.