Peace

January 5, 2014 //
2

world peace

Image courtesy of digitalart/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

This afternoon’s blog is written in response to the following quote from the Dalai Lama:

“Peace in the world depends on peace of mind, and peace of mind depends on an awareness that all human beings are members of a single family, despite the variety of beliefs, ideologies and political and economic systems. ”

365 Dalai Lama Daily Advice from the Heart, 2001, p. 176,  London: Harper Collins Pub. (Element).

I have thought about , marched for, prayed for, and even experienced peace. I can easily accept it is based on a foundation of peace of mind.  I have, however, never considered that one’s peace of mind depends on a sense of belonging to the family of humankind. Perhaps, I have seen too many dysfunctional families who seem determined to sabotage any chance of experiencing peace of mind. And yet, that sense of family belonging  is strong and often hangs on tenaciously even when family based stress abounds.

If I am able to truly envision and accept my relatedness to all humans it should make me less likely to want to harm another human being. I am not so sure about it creating peace of mind. It is easy to believe being at peace with oneself would in turn create world peace. However, the thought of being related to absolutely every human can be quite discomforting. Doing so means I have to identify with the evil as well as the good in people. Identifying, or trying to, with persons like Adolf Hitler and Charles Manson makes me extremely uncomfortable. That is because if I accept being one with Adolf and Charley  it means I  have to admit to myself that I have the capacity to be just as evil. Succinctly put, owning the “evil” part of my humanness has not, so far, given me one moment of “peace of mind.”

I know I am not supposed to judge others. I know I am supposed to love and forgive everyone. I know I intellectually believe that all of us are one in Christ and in God’s love. But I am really having to work on acknowledging my oneness with notoriously evil people. I am not saying I am not capable of evil; I have had evil thoughts from time to time, and I have done things in my past while I was intoxicated that could have easily harmed or killed others….if it were not for God’s grace I might have done so. That makes me as capable of killing another human as Adolf and Charley. I just don’t like to look at myself that way.  Doing so reminds me of the power of God’s love and forgiveness. It makes me “right-sized.” It makes me less judgmental—-and, in turn, I suppose less likely to be “un-peaceful” in my actions towards others.  If  God can forgive me, who am I to condemn others?

Food for thought on a snowy, cold, afternoon with more of the same on its way. I am grateful to be in a warm, dry home. I pray for those who are not safe, for the homeless, and for those in Lui (Sudan) where heavy fighting is taking place (accessed 1/5/14 at: http://luinetwork.diocesemo.org/profiles/blogs/updates-from-lui). I am sitting in a comfortable chair typing on a laptop about peace while other humans in the Sudan are in real danger of being killed. God bless and keep them and you.

Tags , ,
Categories love, non-violence, peace, Spirituality

Open-Ended Hoping

January 4, 2014 //
14

Sun Breaking Through2

Image courtesy of Joshua Burgard

Today has given me the magical gift of a wonderful centering prayer experience that occurred within the context of a community of well loved and trusted friends. My first thought from that experience that I want to write about is the beginning thought I had as I entered the sacred prayer space by focusing on my breathing. I realized I was breathing God’s spirit and love in, feeling it spread throughout my body, and then breathing God’s spirit and love back out into “community.” Then I realized my soul floats on every breath,  and when I take my last breath it will float out on the last breath I release into a new “community of existence” contained within the embrace of God’s love.  With that image of death I was able to release some of the fear I have surrounding my father’s aging process as well as my own. My father’s  soul will be released into the spiritual realm of “breath” in the embrace of God’s love when he releases his last breath—-and, in eternity, my soul will reunited with his .

The second major “insight” that came from today’s centering prayer experience happened because I was somewhat successful in quieting my “committee meeting” of random thoughts that always compete for my attention when I am involved in centering prayer. As a result, and quite unexpectedly, during my prayer time the visual image of a word came out of the darkness and moved towards me in my mind’s eye. That word was hope. I am certain it was God’s way of telling me to not forget to “hope.” I am not one who is used to experiencing free-floating hope. I generally attach my thoughts of hope onto a particular outcome, like ” I hope we don’t get the ice and snow our winter warning is telling us is on the way” or “I hope this upcoming semester will be a pleasant one for me and my students.

The skill of open-ended hoping is something I seemed to have lost somewhere between my childhood and now. I am going to make a conscientious effort to take a deep breath and remind myself to “hope” several times during today and the next few days. I am going to try practicing the skill of open-ended hoping. Yes, I still hope and pray for peace, and I still hope love will overcome evil. In other words, I still have specific hopes. However, I think God was reminding me this morning that I need to strengthen my soul’s well-being by making a paradigm shift from a intermittently hopeful outlook or attitude to one that is consistently hopeful.

For me, my life outcomes are strongly associated with my expectations. My mind is a powerful thing, and whatever I feed my “mind energy” into is often likely to happen. For instance, when I was in the second grade our county health nurse would visit our small rural school room periodically in order to keep us all up to date on our immunizations. I quickly learned that if you had a temperature she would not give you any shots. I usually managed to “think” my way into having a slight temperature elevation by the time she got around to me. Looking back on that, I realize what I took for granted was actually a pretty impressive accomplishment because my normal temperature is always considerably lower than what is considered “normal.”

So, I am entering this new year with an expectation or attitude of open-ended hope. Developing or renewing this skill will be an expression of the level of trust I have in God’s love. I hope that this open-ended hope based on trusting God is a concept my readers will find helpful. May God bless and keep you.

Tags , , ,
Categories Spirituality

Adding to My Recovery Toolbox

January 2, 2014 //
0

tool box

Image courtesy of Gualberto107/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I’ve done gratitude lists and God Boxes to support my recovery, but now I’ve been introduced to a new concept that I think will be most helpful. The new tool is a “Happiness Jar”—-an idea originated by Elizabeth Gilbert ( accessed 1/2/14 at: http://www.elizabethgilbert.com/lets-talk-about-those-happiness-jars). This wonderful yet simple idea basically consists of writing a simple description on a scrap of paper of your happiest moment for the current day along with the day’s date. Then you drop the paper into a container (jar, basket, bucket—-whatever one wants to use). The idea is when you’re feeling down you can pull a slip out at random and re-live a happy memory. The therapeutic value, however, goes further than that. It introduces one to how rewarding it can be to realize each of our days has a moment of happiness in it—–and it starts ingraining an “attitude of gratitude” into our minds and souls.

I like things simple, and I like concrete reminders of where I am supposed to be and what I am supposed to be doing. I started a “happiness record” table  in document form yesterday, but it didn’t have the “magic” hand’s on feel I was looking for. So, I went out today and bought the biggest, cheapest yet moderately attractive jar I could find. Putting the slips of paper for yesterday and today into that jar actually felt like palpable magic. I thank you, Elizabeth Gilbert, wherever you are for introducing me to this tool to keep and use in my “recovery toolbox.”

Then, on the way to my 6th &  7th Step Meeting last night, NPR had a news clip on about how one can write about any issue that is bothering you, past or present, for 15 minutes a day for four days —–just writing and not worrying about logic, grammar, or spelling. The point is to to get what is bothering you out of your mind and on to paper. A bit of magic happens with this, too. Thanks to information NPR shared, I found more specific information  on a University of Texas web page (accessed 1/1/14 at: epage.psy.utexas.edu/HomePage/Faculty/Pennebaker/Home2000/WritingandHealth.html).

James Pennebaker (Professor and Chair, Department of Psychology, The University of Texas at Austin, Texas) has developed this model of journaling and done extensive research about its outcomes.  He says to write for 20 minutes a day for four days. According to yesterday’s NPR  All Things Considered program (Editing Your Life’s Stories Can Create Happier Endings by Lulu Miller, accessed 1/2/14 at: http://www.npr.org/blogs/health/2014/01/01/258674011/editing-your-lifes-stories-can-create-happier-endings),  writing about personal issues this way  has the following result “As you write about the troubling, confusing event again and again, eventually you begin to make sense of it. You can put those consuming thoughts to rest.”

And that, my friends, is probably why I blog. However, this suggested writing technique is a private affair lasting a matter of days, and you will not be subjected to it in my blogs. I think I may try it with the issues I discovered last night during that step meeting I mentioned. Our discussion led me to ask myself what is it that is bugging me to the point that I am flirting with depression again?  My Higher Power sent me the answers. As always, my emotional upheaval has to do with not being able to control something and needing to accept life on life’s terms. Specifically, I realized I am afraid of my father’s deteriorating mental status and my own pending full retirement/loss of professional identity  in a few months.  Now I know what I need to write about for myself.

I hope the “happy jar” idea is a helpful one for you.  For those of you who use journaling as a tool of recovery, I hope the writing method discussed on NPR last night is a helpful one too. God bless and keep you.

Tags , ,
Categories recovery, Spirituality

Happiness Ripples

January 1, 2014 //
2

Ripples

Image courtesy of winnond/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Back in the day, I would thought that title referred to a cheap bottle of wine that was being passed around a circle of friends who were engaging in a bit of “social drug use.”  Today it has a totally different meaning for me. One of the Facebook  “posters” I shared this morning (accessed 1/1/2014 at PreventDisease.com) urged people to spread happiness as a candle shares light. A wise friend replied to my posting with this comment: ” It [happiness] just spreads like ripples from a thrown pebble.” That left me wondering, how can I live my life so that I create at least one positive ripple a day? Today’s blog will be focused on trying to answer that question for myself.

I hope what I write and share with others in these blogs and on my church Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/pages/Christ-Episcopal-Church-Cape-Girardeau-MO) will be able to create a positive ripple here and there. It is harder for me to spreading happiness with my actions—-by what I say and do. Since I am a “professional communicator” I sometimes prefer introverted solitude when I am not focused on helping others. Granted, I need a certain amount of that for “self-maintenance.” But,  when does self-maintenance turn into selfishness?

Obviously, I need to take  a quick inventory of actions I’ve taken in the past few days that have had the potential to block or create positive ripples. First of all, on the “negative” side of this inventory are the actions I took that isolated me from others even after I had sufficient time to “re-energize” myself. There were calls to friends I did not make because I did not want to let them know I was feeling just a bit depressed after this last trip home.  Although I did not drink, I found solace in  eating pistachios alone in my self-imposed fortress and rationalized the entire time  I was eating them that they were full of healthy antioxidants and fats. Some would say my refusal to do laundry, clean house, or wash dishes  were expressions of negative energy that blocks “positive ripples.” Others would say I was demonstrating signs and symptoms of a mild depression.

On the positive side of this inventory are the twelve step meetings I’ve attended and in which my presence and comments actively supported recovery—-as did everyone’s there. Giving my phone number to a new comer, offering  long distance solace via telephone conversation to friends experiencing emotional anguish, meeting a friend for lunch and “catching up” on our friendship, writing these blogs, and, finally, calling a friend this morning and admitting I am depressed—-all of these actions were related to positive ripples/outcomes…..probably more for myself than anyone else.

Looking at this inventory, it is obvious to me that I spread more “positive ripples” when I socially interact with others and less when I indulge in my character defect of isolation. One important insight this “exercise” has given me is the knowledge that meeting face-to-face with others allows their “positive ripples” to have a positive effect on me.  Granted, interacting with my four dogs can have that effect to a certain extent, but not to the extent talking to another human being face to face can.

I abhor New Year resolutions. I prefer  relating to one day at a time outcomes. So, today, I accept that I need to seek the company of my fellow two-leggeds on a regular basis even when I feel a very strong urge to isolate. I need to do this every day, one day at a time or my retirement will become, as it does for many, a descent into isolated depression. Yes, I will be attending a sixth step discussion group tonight.  Happiness is a choice, and if I want to continue traveling a spiritual path, I need to do what it takes to support that choice. For me,  that means besides seeking the company of others and continuing to take my anti-depressant medication as prescribed.

Thanks for letting me do a little “self-therapy” in regards to this “spread happiness” idea. May God bless and keep you.

Tags , , , , ,
Categories recovery, Spirituality

Cleansing our Conscience

December 31, 2013 //
57

 

self

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I am not just talking about “personal hygiene” here—-or even “mental hygiene” as the Veterans Administration folks used to call it. I am talking about steps that need to be taken for the miracle of recovery to occur. I cannot count the times I have heard people talk about the importance of completing AA’s 4th step in supporting recovery. This step involves taking a self-inventory. There are a variety of ways to work this step; many old-timers are “big book thumpers”  who insist it has to be done exactly as outlined in the “big book.” Personally, I think each person needs to find a way of working this step that works for him or her, and I tend to think it is as important to look at assets as it is defects.

After this inventory is completed the person working the steps is expected to talk it over with another human being and to eventually “make amends” for the past wrongs that were identified. Sadly, in terms of acknowledging wrongs done and making amends, the person working the steps is the one most often overlooked. I believe it is essential for both the inventory and amends to include both the harm done to oneself and forgiving oneself.

I just finished reading a meditation for the second time today. I want to share part of it with you. It is from John Kirvin’s Where Only Love Can Go: A Journey of the Soul into the Cloud of Unknowing (1996, pp. 122-123, Notre Dame, Indiana: Ave Maria Press). This particular book is a book of meditations based on a book written anonymously in the thirteen hundreds. Text from this ancient book is still used today as one of the basic cornerstones of contemplative prayer.

One of Kirvin’s selections from this ancient text  addresses how we must start our spiritual journey by “cleansing our consciences, and enduring the pain of restoring creation to its proper place in our lives” (p. 122).  It basically says that those of us who have sinned will have a harder job of it, but that “God gives his  grace in a special way to the least of us and to the amazement of the world ” (p. 122).  It points out that many honored in this life will be pushed aside on judgment day while “some who are now despised and considered of no spiritual worth will take their place with the angels and saints.” It ends by admonishing us to “Judge no one in this life, least of all yourself” (p. 123).

Both anonymous works (The Cloud of Unknowing and AA’s big book) stress the importance of self-inventory and conscience cleansing. However, not judging yourself is not emphasized in the big book, and, in my opinion,  doing so is essential for true recovery to begin and to continue. Most of my professional life has focused on two things: teaching mental health nursing and promoting recovery in women who are alcoholics and addicts. Time and time again, one of the major obstacles women often encounter in their recovery journey is the difficulty they have in forgiving themselves. Our culture and most of our religious teachings does not stress the importance of self-forgiveness. But forgiving ourselves is an essential component of being able to begin to love ourselves as God does. After all,  if God through his grace can forgive us, who are we to question his judgment?

Enough said. Just because I am obsessing about a particular topic, it is not fair for me to keep going on and on about it. I hope your spiritual journey includes. self-forgiveness and a growing self-love. I am still working on it  one day at a time myself—–even after over thirty two years of recovery. May God bless and keep you.

Tags , , ,
Categories love, recovery, Spirituality

Exclamation Points

December 30, 2013 //
2

Christmas Stocking

Image courtesy of Grant Cochrane/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Today I was reminded  I could be happier in the present moment if I quit focusing on the way I think things should be. I know this is true, but something has been eating at me ever since I got home from visiting my father over Christmas. I have a dear friend who explained to me  holidays are like exclamation points—–they call attention to aspects of our reality that don’t match the way our culture says they are “supposed to be.” Many face Thanksgiving, Christmas, and/or New Years Day without a significant other(s) present. Every time a thoughtless person asks, with all good intentions, “How was your Christmas?” that person may be reminding someone of how painful and different his or her experience of Christmas was in comparison to the special shared time our culture expects it to be.

Yes, it helps to know that Christmas is really about celebrating Christ’s birth. I have often sat alone in my home reading the Christmas Story from my bible on Christmas day. Calls to my father and sisters help at those times, but it is still not what anyone would call a “traditional Christmas” experience.

My experience of Christmas has not been traditional for quite some time. It stopped being what television told me it should be when my mother and father divorced. Somehow having to “go home” to two separate homes at Christmas time at that point in my life took much of the magic out of Christmas. No matter how hard people tried, I always felt like a guest in both homes and did not feel as if I belonged in either one of them.

I like to think I have come a long ways since those days. I have learned Christmas is not all about “me”—-or my expectation that it be like it was, or I thought it was, when I was a child. The magic returns when I can let go of those old expectations and focus instead on making it better for others. I was lucky this Christmas. I got to spend it with my elderly father and youngest sister. It was special. I will always cherish the memory of the time we spent with each other. However, I still need to be careful not to automatically ask everyone I meet how their Christmas went. It may seem a bit strange, but I am trying to learn to ask people how they have been rather than how their experience of a specific event was.

Well, that is my rant for this afternoon. I am hoping all of us can experience a pleasant “now” in the present moment, moment by moment, as we travel through the day.  May God bless and keep you.

Tags , , ,
Categories Consideration, Spirituality

Accepting Moderation

December 29, 2013 //
0

Acceptance2

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Just heard a commercial  on television for a movie where the narrator announces “moderation is for cowards.” Finally, I have it on good authority I am not a coward! Somehow that still doesn’t make my “nothing in moderation” memories any easier to bear. Now, I am watching a re-run of a Law and Order Special Victims Unit episode about alcoholism and blackouts. The attorney who was an alcoholic basher has to face her own alcoholism in this episode, and the defendant who got off on a miss-trial has to live with the knowledge he’ll never know if he killed a stranger during a blackout or not. An expert during the trial testified about evidence supporting the fact that alcoholism is a neurological disease.

As for my other “main addiction,” compulsive eating, not being a coward doesn’t make it any easier to live with trigger foods, food cravings, and binge eating or addictive dieting/exercise. There is probably a neuro-biological justification for that “condition” also. With alcohol, you can stop drinking. With food, you have to eat to stay alive.

I am not going to make any New Year’s resolutions about any of this because the only reprieve I have is a daily gift from my Higher Power. My addictions are what they are. Thank heaven the solution is what it is for both of them. God does do for me what I cannot do for myself. Even with these gifts those of us in recovery have to live in reality; we don’t automatically live happily ever after—-nor does anyone, for that matter.  Those of us in recovery are often well acquainted with depression. Many times we have residual physical problems left over to remind us of previous excesses. Sometimes we cross-addict to something else that eventually kills us; many in recovery die from problems associated with smoking——an addiction that, compared to alcoholism, can seem relatively safe.

Where am I going with this? I am not sure. I am presently “recovering” and recuperating from my drive back home after spending Christmas with family. What used to be an enjoyable experience I looked forward to, driving to and from my father’s house,  is now a major challenge. The trip back took two hours more than it should have. Seven hours became nine hours. Emergent GI problems which necessitated multiple stops along the way and painful arthritic wrists added to the challenge. I am grateful to have arrived home, and I am working on accepting my mind, body, and eyesight (after dark driving with beginning level cataracts  is the pits!) are all altering as I age.

I am grateful for God giving me almost an entire year without having to be hospitalized.  Even though medical experts cannot explain my reoccurring partial small bowel blockages, this year has taught me stress plays a big role in contributing to them. I have consciously tried to avoid as much stress as I can since my last hospitalization, and I think limiting my driving trips to my father’s and back to only two trips this year has probably helped me do so along with all the other changes I have instituted in my life such as deep breathing, centering prayer, meditation, lavender-based aroma therapy, and just “saying no” to being over-extended .

The time spent with my almost 92 year old father was a true gift from God, and I thank Creator for giving me the special time I was able to share with him.  I would not have missed it for the world. I think  I am starting to realize I am becoming a coward. I am learning moderation in some things. Sometimes I do so kicking and screaming, sometimes I am a bit more receptive.

As we approach the New Year I ask Creator to continue to help me accept moderation on an as-needed basis, and for all my friends who can still celebrate seeing the New Year in with the help of alcoholic beverages, I pray that Creator also gives you the gift of moderation or a designated driver to see you safely home. God bless and keep you.

Tags , , , , , ,
Categories recovery, Spirituality

Beware the Shopping Carts!

December 23, 2013 //
1

shopping cart

Image courtesy of Salvatore Vuono/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I went smile hunting today. You know, last minute Christmas grocery shopping. Had to park out close to Kingshighway at Schnucks. Smiled at people as I was going into the store and they were coming out. They all looked serious and determined to get to their cars without smiling. I almost felt like I was back in New York City when I was there on a youth outing back in the ’60s—–a place where I quickly learned strangers didn’t smile back at you.

When I got in the store, I had to navigate through all the traffic. There were slow movers, dead stand still shoppers, speed through the traffic with no heed to bumping others shoppers, and people like me who would wait courteously and smile. A few smiled back, and that felt good. The friendliest smile of all, was that of the man shaking the bell and collecting money for the Salvation Army. His smile was warm and genuine regardless of whether donated to his red bucket or not. Another man was sitting at a table in the deli area, and he actually initiated a friendly conversation with me. Like me, I think he was aware of  and responsive to the people around him.

The “ask attendant for help” guy in the self-checkout area was also friendly and helpful. Good thing, because that is where the shortest lines were. Simply put, the aisles throughout the store were chaotic.   I think the fast movers who ignored everyone else in the store could actually be dangerous for an older person unsteady on his or her feet. The overall “ambiance”  reminded me of the “help, it’s going to snow and I have to get groceries” crowd—-only this crowd, for the  most part,  seemed less friendly. By the time I was finally escape to outside, I still smiled at people—-only it was harder, and I understood the “shell-shock” type affects I had encountered earlier on my way into the store.

Where am I going with all this? I don’t really know except to say I am certain this mad and determined grocery driven rush I encountered while shopping both inside the store and in the crowded, car honking-filled parking lot when I tried to navigate my escape home is not what God had in mind when Jesus was born to Mary and Joseph so long ago. I am sorry to say I succumbed to some of the “bad vibes” and found myself thinking a few “bad words” or phrases once or twice. Thankfully, I was able to redirect myself with a chuckle and the thought, “better watch it, or you’ll become like all the other ‘Grinches’ and ‘Scrooges’ roaming the aisles!”

It wasn’t until I got home, unpacked, and put away my groceries that I was able to sit down, take a deep breath, and realize, that with that intake of air I was once again attuned to the God within that loves us all. The feeling of quiet serenity that comes with prayer and “being” with God in relationship was a welcome relief, and I am very grateful for that gift.  It can’t be found in crowded stores, or anywhere else , as far as that goes, unless one consciously seeks it out.

I want to close by thanking God for being there and allowing me to feel his spirit regardless of where I am or what I am doing. I am also asking him to help me get better at it in crowded, busy places where I can sometimes forget to acknowledge, accept, and welcome his presence. My God bless and keep you.

Tags , , ,
Categories Spirituality

Seasonal Accouterments

December 21, 2013 //
36

Christmas decorations

Image courtesy of Feelart/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

It is a dreary, gray day. At least we are not getting slammed with snow and ice like other places are on this, the first day of winter. I’ll take rain and temps in the fifties any day over freezing temps, sleet, and snow.

It seems like a good day for a nap. My dogs are all curled up snoozing away. There is an intermittent gurgle coming from my essential oil diffuser, and the fiber optic light show on my little Christmas tree is blinking its magic.

Perhaps it is time for me to quietly reflect on  what Christmas means to me now that I am an evolving elder and am no longer a child. Am I simply celebrating a birthday of a  religious figure born centuries ago? Am I caught up in being the  best “gifter” in my family or circle of friends? Does it mean sending a Christmas Card filled not so much with wishes for a blessed Christmas as much as bragging of family accomplishments?

I can only give my answer for this moment. I have not sent Christmas cards. I have the single, small, aforementioned Christmas tree blinking in a corner of my living room. I am wearing Christmas themed socks as well as a Christmas themed sweat shirt. I have been and am being a “busy little Christmas elf” as I crochet gifts for my family and friends.

But, all that aside, Christmas is not about “extraneous accouterments”  for me this year. I have been seeing Christmas through a new “lens” in my proverbial sunglasses. I have been taking intermittent excursions inward, seeking to communicate with God as I understand him,  and focusing on building a stronger, more intimate spiritual relationship with my Creator. Christmas is a miracle that is taking place in my soul as I reunite with my Creator, acknowledge and accept his love, and attempt to share that love with others.

Is this magical event limited to the last month of the year? To December 25th? No. I am participating in a relationship that lasts for eternity. God’s love is always there, but it is up to me be aware of it, accept it, and share it. Somehow, doing so is much more important than simply saying “Happy Birthday!” one day a year. I am coming to believe life is meant to be a continuous celebration of God’s love and creation, one day at time, throughout eternity.

Take Care. Stay safe, dry, and warm. May God bless and keep you.

Tags , ,
Categories love, recovery, Spirituality

Christmas Cookies

December 20, 2013 //
4

Christmas Cookies

Image courtesy of Grant Cochrane/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Well, I’ve done it again. I’ve set my moral-emotional barometer all “a-twitter.” I just made the mistake of reading all the “think like I  do or else you’re wrong, stupid, evil, etc.” messages that I could stand  on Facebook before I gave up and started writing this. Why do we have to spread hate and ill-will when we are put on this earth to love one another? I even fell into posting a response to one that reminded those that were commenting that it is up to God to judge rather than ourselves. After I posted, I realized I’d fallen into the “got to have the last word trap” that made me just another judging, condemning, ill-will spreading person who thinks my thoughts and opinions are superior.

Maybe it is time for me to take a serious look at why I spend so much time perusing Facebook/social media. On it I find spiritually uplifting messages, beautiful photos, poems full of beauty and wisdom, prayers, and friendly messages of support. I post an invitation to read my daily blogs on Facebook, and I maintain my church’s Facebook site with a daily prayers and bible verses. There is, obviously, positive material of value on Facebook. It is what lies between the positive highlights that hurts my soul—–yet I read most of it. Why? I realize I have both good and evil in my soul. Reading the hurtful, negative, judgmental things feeds the evil that lurks in my soul, and I still choose to read them. Am I looking for  a false self “jolt” of erroneously feeling superior? Do I like getting upset and feeling indignant?

And, then, there are the posted recipes for all the yummy foods—–foods that would eventually kill me were I to start eating them again. Do they trigger compulsive eating relapses? Not yet. Does my mouth water? Sometimes. Luckily, the craving is short lived because I re-frame my thoughts around “following through” what would happen if I gave into temptation. Then there are the jokes about drinking. I should be able to realize it is normal for normal people to joke about drinking desires——after all, I am certainly used to recovering alcoholics joking about drinking consequences.  These pro-drinking Facebook posts are teaching me to accept I am not normal, but other people are and I need to accept it. All of the luscious recipes should be doing a similar thing rather than making my mouth water. I hate to admit it, but I am still copying, pasting, and saving some of those tempting recipes. It as if part of me still buys into the fantasy that I “will be normal” someday and be able to eat like “regular people”—–whatever that is.

I have recently been privileged to learn  something important about the behavior and emotions I sometimes experience when those I am with are offered a special food treat as a token of warmth and hospitality—-a token I have to refuse for health-related reasons.  If I catch myself feeling sorry for myself or feeling left out because I am a diabetic and can’t partake I am sometimes able to realize what I am really missing is the emotional intent of the gift I have to decline. A good friend recently offered me a friendly hug at just such a time. It was exactly what I needed. Thanks to that insight, I am learning to thank people for their thoughtfulness and to ask them for a hug instead if it feels appropriate to do so.

Loosely summarized, today’s topic is  handling “Christmas Cookies” that are irritating or bothersome for some reason or another during this busy season. May all your “Christmas Cookies” be  filled with love and peace rather than symbolic of minor little irritating things. May God bless and keep you.

Tags , , , ,
Categories love, recovery, Spirituality
« Older Entries
Newer Entries »